Adoption Triggers

27 Nov

Adoption writers, adoption meme makers, adoption agencies, facilitators, consultants, people wanting to adopt an infant, and whoever else I’ve left off that does the following.

Please stop using pictures of Expectant Mothers with their arms wrapped around their growing babe, or Hopeful Adoptive Parents doing similar to the Expectant Mother in your articles advertising adoption.

We get it, after all, we were the merchandise you seek in your promotion of those pictures.

For some, maybe many of us, those pictures aren’t warm and fuzzy pictures. For some, it could be an in-your-face reminder of everything they don’t have, for others, it could be a reminder that we, too, were simply the next in line to not be kept.

Adoptees are human, just like you, and using pictures of a pregnant woman in your advertising articles to bring in more adoption business, or HAPs hoping to adopt that Expectant Mother’s babe, sure seems like it removes both the humanity of the Expectant Mother, and turns those potential Adoptees into merely objects you want.

Please consider the full weight and gravity of what the Expectant Parents are considering, the long-term ramifications of choosing adoption, the grief that never fully goes away, before choosing to promote adoption that way.

It’s also disrespectful to Adoptees.

I have my original birth certificate that details my birth, I have it framed hanging on my wall. Next to that is the only picture I have of my mother who is about 8 weeks pregnant, you can see her baby bump (me) in the picture, with her snuggling up under the protective arms of my father. That picture was saved to give to me. It was proof that my parents were together, and based on their expressions, that they cared deeply for each other.

Few Adoptees have similar pictures, some have nothing but would give just about anything to have even one picture of even just one of their parents, let alone both showing deep affection for each other.

Adoption means different things to people in adoption, so I’d ask you respectfully to stop using heavily pregnant pictures of Expectant Mothers to promote adoption. Instead, work towards a world where private infant adoption is rarely needed, and only then, as a last resort.


Posted by on November 27, 2021 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , ,

14 responses to “Adoption Triggers

  1. maryleesdream

    November 27, 2021 at 7:00 pm

    Those advertisements are so distasteful. And make no mistake, they are advertisements. Just a bunch of adults seeming to salivate over the prospect of handing over a womb wet infant.
    I saw a movie of my parents wedding. I was there, inside my mother, among all the relatives I never knew. The family promised they would send a copy of the movie, but they never did. I wish i could see it again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      November 27, 2021 at 7:07 pm

      I wish you could too Marylee, that seems so wrong.

      How are you doing now a few months out from your mom passing?


      • maryleesdream

        November 28, 2021 at 2:26 pm

        Thank you for asking. It’s been hard, but time does make it easier. I was really knocked on my butt by her death.


        • TAO

          November 28, 2021 at 2:42 pm

          I’m glad it’s evening out, it takes time to come to your new normal, especially when she lived with you and you were her primary caregiver. Be kind to yourself, I’m here if you need to talk, and so our the others that stop and sit a spell.


  2. Marc W

    November 27, 2021 at 11:48 pm

    Don’t forget those “lovely” billboards that add the phrase: “Thank you mom for giving me birth/life” Those are an automatic trigger for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      November 28, 2021 at 3:27 am

      Thankfully I’ve never seen them. It never ends.


    • TAO

      November 28, 2021 at 3:27 am



    • beth62

      November 29, 2021 at 1:07 am

      I’ve been known to buy those awful bilboards, and change the advertisement to just about anything else. Also the ones that say Pregnant? Scared? Drives me nuts. A trigger for me for sure. A triggered reaction that created a business that makes a profit for me/us now, and I don’t have to read all that on my drive. If only all the triggers worked out like that for me…

      Liked by 2 people

      • legitimatebastard

        November 29, 2021 at 1:23 pm

        About 30 years ago, there was a billboard along the inner city expressway that showed a young pregnant woman sitting in a rocking chair. Triggered me everytime I drove by it. Hard to concentrate on driving when distracted by emotional reaction to a billboard so “in your face.” Sure wish I had the money to buy those billboards. Good for you, Beth62, for buying them.

        Liked by 2 people

        • beth62

          November 29, 2021 at 4:07 pm

          I didn’t have the money either, but I knew someone that did πŸ˜‰ And he didn’t like the billboards either, and already had a few. The bank didn’t like me, but he let me make payments on the first one, and it was mine when I paid it off. It really kind of paid itself off. Then I was on a mission for a while and we got more, one of my boys takes care of all that now and I get my monthly check. He owns quite a few now, enough to make a living off it. The last ones I was involved in were attached to a hog farm near the coast. It was so awful “Give Your Baby a Real Family, Choose Adoption” The one next to it was, Pregnant? Poor? Scared?. If I couldn’t have bought it I think I may have just destroyed it all. But luckily one of our boys wanted to run a hog farm on the coast, and there was a deadly ancient axle straightening machine I really wanted in the barn. Old man said I could have it all, but only if I could buy the whole place. Since they turned much of the southeast coast into china’s pig farm…. it is impossible to sell one without continuing to produce hogs. And they don’t make it easy to sell even if it continues. I don’t eat the pig LOL But it all worked out somehow. The huge record flood wiped out buildings, the farm equipment and pigs, a year after he was there. It was awful :/ I was happy πŸ™‚ we didn’t have to replace the gov’t grant equipment. It was a paperwork nightmare. But he got an insurance check to rebuild, new grant and loan, so he’s running a fish farm now and growing food crops for humans, and lots of other stuff. Today that sign says Eat Mor Chikin, and the others are about hotels and other restaurants at the next exit. I don’t mind driving by them now, especially since I get to stop for a real dinner and a hug, and not at one of those hotels or restaurants LOL

          Liked by 1 person

          • legitimatebastard

            November 30, 2021 at 4:43 pm

            Wow! What a story! Someday, I hope to have enough money to advertise adoptees’ civil rights!

            Liked by 1 person

        • beth62

          November 29, 2021 at 4:14 pm

          If you can figure out who owns the billboard, you can contact them and complain. I got a few changed by doing that. It’s not always so easy to find advertisers, but a complaint often produces some motivation to do so. Depends on the owner, and most I know don’t want offensive ads on their property. I think most just don’t know why those ads are offensive to many, you’ll get to tell them why πŸ™‚

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Lara/Trace

    November 29, 2021 at 3:38 pm

    I am usually triggered by movies or news about someone adopting. Gets me every time.

    Liked by 1 person


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