There was an article posted that garnered lots of comments in a closed FB group I’m in, none of the comments were good that I remember. The post was pulled down from the site it was published on. You can read about the specifics on Lori’s post, see link below.
I know there will always be a need for some adoptions to happen in domestic infant adoption. When that happens, I think a child welfare perspective needs to be part of the process, specifically, how the child will fit into a family, how they see all that adoption is, and whether the child will be allowed to grieve losses as they come to the surface, be accepted for who they are, the commonalities or traits shared between the birth and adoptive family. You can argue that open adoption makes my concerns moot, you may be right, but I also think there’s a lot of value in finding a home for a child who needs one that will fit well for that specific child (based on the traits and personalities of their mother/father).
And yes, theoretically, and hopefully, an open adoption would be between two sets of parents with similar personalities, traits, likes and dislikes so odds are the personality and traits in the child will work well. But I’m also a cynic and have listened to far too many HAPs who just want a baby, and frankly, any baby will do, even if they share no traits or interests in common with the expectant mother/father. Could it still work over time if they had nothing in common? Sure, maybe, or maybe the adoption will simply close because everything is final, or because *boundaries* were crossed because the two sets of parents were incompatible to start with. That’s what I believe happens when adoption operates as a marketplace instead of a child welfare endeavor where fit is important. On a personal note that I’ve said here many times, not a one of us siblings were like the other, we didn’t have any common interests, similar personalities, nothing fit. I fit with dad in many ways, my saving grace if you will. That’s what I’m trying to convey, poorly, but that’s the intent.
But getting back on point, what if caseworkers started from the position that fit was important for the good of the one adopted? Maybe some agencies do, and please tell me about it if you know they look at that when working with an expectant mother, versus who has waited the longest. And if fit is a primary motive in finding the right family for the one needing a new home I think that’s good. Will they always get it right? No, I’m not that naïve, but starting with that as the goal for social workers to offer those profiles to the expectant mother first wouldn’t hurt, but they’d also have to have a good idea of who the expectant mother/father was first to do that well, anyone know how it works? I’m interested in hearing first hand comments about this subject.
And yes, those “independent adoptions” don’t fit with the above, wonder how many of those self-matched on FB type situations stay open…
Apologies for the muddled thoughts, just can’t get my words it to work right today, interested to hear your thoughts.