It’s Personal

Last year and the start of this year has been a journey for me. A time when big emotions from yesteryears rose to the surface time and time again. A time filled to overflowing with so much loss for so many. It’s also a time of so much ugliness and I hope it is never repeated, and that we come out the other side more aware, more kind, and definitely far less racist with a goal to keep being better to each other.

 

Adoptee loyalty…(from 2016)

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience, both to our parents throughout our lives, and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me.

 

Safe Haven Boxes

I’ve written in the past about Safe Haven Boxes, and no, I don’t support them, I believe education and supportive services should be front and center. Do a public education campaign about adoption and other options available, options available at the hospital, the doctor, your church, options that give you time to think things through, rather than a decision you may regret with no recourse. When Safe Haven Baby Boxes became a thing again a while ago I was flabbergasted. I’ve written a couple of posts over the years, but the first post I’m linking to is from The Daily Bastardette, she’s brilliant and knowledgable.

 

Adoptive Parents and PAL

I was going to do a post on adoptive parents who stood up. I started delving into old posts because I know those parents are there and just need to be pulled out and talked about in a post. One old post I didn’t remember was on Gertie’s Babies, which led me to click the 2015 NYT link on the story, which led me down the rabbit hole of reading the comments; on the whole, well thought out comments and discussion on adoptions that happened back in the day.

 

What were they thinking?

They are creating a pilot for a new comedy, I’m sure it will be swell seeing as it’s about a family that adopts a child. Apparently, it’s based on a true life story told by one of the older biological children in the family.

 

The Push and Pull…(2016)

From 2016 The Push and Pull. I wrote this a few months after mom passed and struggling with the waves of different emotions and memories.

I’ve done lots of thinking during the last few months. Mostly about family, the good, the bad, and sometimes – downright ugly. Funny thing happened just now when I typed that last sentence, I imagined some readers making assumptions about what I meant just then, what ‘type’ of adoptee I am, having just written that. 

Although I used the term assumption above, we (everyone in adoption) know it’s true from years of having it proven true. True because of the desperation so many adopting parents have that needs adoption to be wonderful, always.

Nothing is wonderful, always, life always has good and bad components to it.

Getting back to the thinking part of my recent journey. Not just the good, warm memories hit me, bad memories too. Hard deeply emotional personal memories, some I didn’t want to remember, ever.

Good with the bad.

This post is for those who need adoption to be wonderful, always…

You can genuinely be part of your family, love life, just be, and also, mourn deeply for the life you would have had, should have had, all the losses not having that life entails. Too me, it’s a dichotomy. You can love and hate something at the same time.

If you can’t accept that, do some souls-searching on your experiences, pretty sure you’ll find something that makes the penny drop on what I’m talking about. Maybe it will help you understand what it’s like to live this life, being adopted.

The push and pull…