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Yes, My Folks told us we were Adopted and talked about it freely.

07 Feb

The article posted below by an adoption agency is inaccurate, read further to understand why it’s inaccurate.

Adoption Isn’t Easy

“Maybe it seemed easier years ago, because it wasn’t done in the open. For a long time, adoption was not discussed in “polite society” at all. Adoption was something done in secret, whether one was “giving up a baby for adoption” or adopting a child.

Kids who got adopted were thought to be better off if they never even knew they’d been born into a different family originally. Mothers who placed were “girls that went away” then came back different somehow, but consigned to silence. Couples who adopted got encouraged to raise their child/ren “just as if” the child had been born to them.

But just think of the stress and shame that came with all that secrecy? In time, it became apparent that adoption really is harder than it looks. For its significance to be truly appreciated, society needs to know this. And those who go through it need to be heard, too.”

No, adoptive parents didn’t stop telling or talking about adoption either before or after the Baby Scoop Era. There are some incredibly fragile or uneducated parents who didn’t tell in my era (BSE), and still today there are some who don’t tell. And that’s on them, just like my generation has LDA’s (Late Discovery Adoptees), all generations including the current generation growing up will have LDA’s.

But don’t try to pretend today’s version of adoption is oh so different because it’s not.

Let’s do a look a back at adoption in early the 1900’s.

The above was taken from page 152 in the book by E. Wayne Carp Adoption in America : historical perspectives 

And Mr. Carp is correct that in the mid 60’s is when secrecy came into being, but, it related to changing the laws regarding the adoptees right to their adoption information they always had a right to, not that adoptive parents didn’t tell their child they were adopted.

Laws were changed, I’ve noted in other posts that when I was adopted I had the legal right to inspect my adoption records as an adult, that right was removed in the law prior to when I turned 18 and why I needed a court order for good cause to get them, a court order mom requested for me when I asked her to do it. That’s the secrecy Mr. Carp talks about, the legal secrecy. Not about whether our folks would talk about adoption or adopting or tell us we were adopted. You only need to read even the first 10 pages of the report below to understand what happened to our access to our adoption records and birth certificate when secrecy took hold in the 60’s.

The Idea of Adoption: An Inquiry into the History of Adult Adoptee Access to Birth Records by Elizabeth J. Samuels.

That secrecy did not include adoptees or the adoptive family pretending we were natural children. Everyone in town knew we were adopted, although I have heard stories about adoptive mothers who wore something around their waist so other’s would think they were pregnant, but they were the anomalies, not the norm. Heck even Walt Disney adopted his children, Art Linkletter was adopted, Clint Hill, one of President Kennedy’s secret service agents was adopted, the list is endless. Adoption was not a taboo topic for most adoptive families, they were taught to tell early and most did.

The first day of first grade I met another adoptee, I talked about her recently. And yes, she and her siblings were my first meeting of an adoptee outside of my family, I was six, but she wouldn’t be the last adoptee I met by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve also talked about going to summer camp and by the end of the first day we’d have found all the other adoptees at camp that year and we’d hang out for the duration.

I’m not an anomaly, I’m the norm.

Just imagine if none of us knew we were adopted; how on earth did adoptee groups come to be, or how Florence Fisher even knew she was adopted so that she’d start ALMA in 1971. 

And yes, some adoptive parents even did adoption birth announcements in their local paper announcing the adoption of their child.

So, please don’t believe everything you read or hear, do your research first. The vast majority of our folks told us we were adopted, talked about adoption openly. What they didn’t have was the knowledge of all the ways adoption could impact us, i.e. the Seven Core Issues that you now know are known because of adoptees being studied.

Other posts about Yes, our parents told us we were adopted…

Told Not To Tell The Child They Are Adopted?

“The Chosen Child – An Adoption Study” 1960’s

 

 

 

 

 
8 Comments

Posted by on February 7, 2021 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

8 responses to “Yes, My Folks told us we were Adopted and talked about it freely.

  1. Luanne

    February 7, 2021 at 11:46 pm

    I am on my iPhone, so I had to just skim your post. Sorry! My brother was adopted in 1963. At the time I was told by my parents that it had been customary not to tell children they were adopted at least until they were adults. They told me that they did not like that model and were going to tell my brother from the start. I believed what they told me, and I’m pretty sure their caseworker told them that was the case.

    Like

     
    • TAO

      February 8, 2021 at 12:12 am

      There case worker was wrong, or thought that way Luanne, I’m a bit older but telling was standard. SW’s like to play God sometimes, doesn’t make it the norm or the standard.

      Liked by 1 person

       
  2. TAO

    February 8, 2021 at 3:00 pm

    Article titled “Telling” from the Adoption History Project.

    https://pages.uoregon.edu/adoption/topics/telling.htm

    Liked by 1 person

     
  3. beth62

    February 9, 2021 at 1:48 am

    Yes, before we had personal computers, mobile phones, cordless phones, and even before color tv – all of the good parents across the country told their children they were Adopted.

    Liked by 2 people

     
    • TAO

      February 9, 2021 at 1:25 pm

      It’s a stunning statement for an adoption agency to make.

      Liked by 1 person

       
  4. beth62

    February 9, 2021 at 4:56 pm

    It is stunningly sad to me, and extra disturbing coming from an Adoption Agency “Professional”.

    How many more times does this statement need to be proven, for more people to believe it?
    When you don’t know the history, you’re bound to repeat it.
    or continue it…
    or simply allow that ignorance to cause you to speak nonsense.

    So, my reply to this individual Adoption Professional is, “Nonsense!!!!”

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • TAO

      February 9, 2021 at 8:17 pm

      I’m hoping you’ve taken the time to sit down and write a book and share all the wit and wisdom that resides inside you. I’d be first in like to buy it.

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • beth62

        February 10, 2021 at 4:42 pm

        nonsense! haha The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing ;D

        Liked by 2 people

         

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