Dear Adoptive Parents and Adoption Agencies

04 Feb

Upfront, I’m leaping to the conclusion that one of yours (APs) felt the need to complain to twitter about an adoption meme. A meme that was pretty tame if I do say so myself.

A meme that had to have been created by adoptee.

That the meme was deemed too sensitive to be seen in the twitter timeline just leaves me gobsmacked. It’s just words, words that by any stretch of imagination, aren’t bad. But if the twitter person deciding says they are too sensitive, and the adoption person who complained in the first place says they are, then we are facing a problem I don’t have a clue how to solve. 

I’ve said worse in a closed pro-adoption fb group and had adoptive parents agree with me. If I’d said what was on the meme it might have brought about a discussion, but it wouldn’t have been removed because it said anything bad. Mind you, while it’s a pro-adoption group, it isn’t where very fragile HAPs and APs go, nor a group that only praises adoption and every adoption is good and no negatives allowed. That type of group exists, just a cheer squad for adoption that does no one any good, least of all the one adopted.

And the meme below is true for many adoptees, just have a gander at my last post, and read between the lines the internal struggle that was inside me when I wrote it. But you see, I’ve learned over the years to be able to write in a way that adoptive parents can hear, and honestly, that’s crap, but I try to put my feelings down that way for the adopted ones coming up this generation.

But yes, we should be able to pour out our heartfelt feelings and adoptive parents should be made of sterner stuff than to melt at the hint that being adopted is hard. It is for some of us, it might be for your adopted children.

The meme deemed to sensitive on twitter…

If adoption is a gift, I’d like to exchange it for my identity back.


Posted by on February 4, 2021 in Adoption


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

16 responses to “Dear Adoptive Parents and Adoption Agencies

  1. Laksh

    February 4, 2021 at 6:24 pm

    I am gobsmacked that Twitter deemed it sensitive. What is with people? Ugh!

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      February 4, 2021 at 6:39 pm

      I don’t know. I just hope adoption agencies only accept clients who can live in the real world, rather than the glittery world of make believe.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Laksh

        February 8, 2021 at 6:38 pm

        From experience I see agencies only care about who can pay quickly and the most. My experience with them has been the pits. But again, I hope there are good agencies out there.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. swiftabc

    February 4, 2021 at 6:42 pm

    Sharing and listening with open, hearts, minds, and ears is so important. How
    else can we come to understand and empathize?

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      February 4, 2021 at 6:45 pm

      True, very true. And there is a long running debate on changing our identity and that impact. It’s a conversation that would be good for AP’s to delve into, put themselves into what it would be like. Cheers.

      Liked by 1 person

      • beth62

        February 5, 2021 at 1:22 am

        Changing an identity
        Sealing an identity
        Having access to a sealed identity, or not

        That’s what Adoption is, in most states.

        Adoption is no one’s family, anywhere.
        Adoption effects the identity, GREATLY, of those Adopted into the family.
        People feel how they feel about it.

        If a parent is too sensitive for it, they’re too sensitive for a healthy Adoption.
        If a parent can’t face what’s done, that’s not sensitive, that’s something else entirely.
        Adoptees must face what was done, by all.
        And many of us do not approve, and many say so, in very clever and meaningful ways.
        And I’m most sensitive to that when it is censored. Highly offended.

        Sometimes gifts really suck, I thought everybody knew that.
        I guess some are too sensitive to hear it?

        This is an old rule, ungrateful bastards are not allowed.
        So Twitter is into selling Adoption? And silencing those who have lived it?
        Yeah, nothing new here kiddos. same ole same ole.

        Liked by 1 person

        • TAO

          February 5, 2021 at 3:30 pm

          Standing up applauding you Beth.


          • beth62

            February 6, 2021 at 1:06 am

            The cancel, and erase and replace, and the censorship stuff is really freaking me out :/

            Liked by 2 people

    • Raven

      February 6, 2021 at 1:35 am

      The fragility displayed by some adoptive parents is tiresome. God, I get sick of it sometimes.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. virtuious

    February 5, 2021 at 2:43 am

    I am not surprised with any type of censoring anymore. There is nothing wrong with being real. Sorry, this was done to you…a fellow adoptee

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      February 5, 2021 at 3:57 am

      It wasn’t done to me, another adoptee.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Robyn C

    February 5, 2021 at 6:16 am

    I don’t like it because it’s awkwardly worded. It would flow better if it were:
    If adoption is a gift, I’d like to return it and get my identity back.

    [I’m a technical writer. I edit things. It’s what I do.]

    I do think the feeling conveyed by the quote is valid and very worthy of discussion, no matter how it’s worded.

    Liked by 3 people

    • TAO

      February 5, 2021 at 2:18 pm

      Thanks Robyn. Several posts have made me think about this more lately.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Lori Lavender Luz

    February 5, 2021 at 3:30 pm

    Ridiculous censoring. And indeed, “adoptive parents should be made of sterner stuff.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      February 5, 2021 at 5:42 pm

      Glad you liked my rebuke, the way I said that reminded me of my grandma.


  6. Carly Quinn

    February 6, 2021 at 8:47 pm

    Yet another thing I’ve never considered but totally agree with. I mean, I grew up wondering why it confused me so, every time my mother told me to remember who I was. I mean, she didn’t even know who I was, in my opinion. She was an AP who would have absolutely hated the sentiment in the meme. She truly believed that she should be enough, that we were saved should surely have been enough.

    Liked by 2 people


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