The last few months have offered me endless amounts of time for reflection and for honestly assessing the life I’ve lived. I’ve looked at the challenges I met head on simply because there wasn’t any other choice. As of now, I’m embarrassed about some choices I’ve made on this journey and thankful for others; the experiences I’ve had and came out stronger for. I still have experiences that haunt me; ones I’ve never voiced, that just sit there just under the surface waiting to reappear every time I’m feeling vulnerable, those are the ones I haven’t found a way to make peace with and doubt I ever will.
Of course, I also delved into just how adoption affected me at different points in my journey and what role that had in who I am now. I also took the time to look at what I have to offer to the adoption community, if anything. I think it’s time for us older adoptees to promote voices that have so much to offer; not just those who already have a following, but also those who have so much wisdom to share but may not be as well known.
Yesterday, Jessenia Parmer @iamadopted posted this tweet.
Of course I followed the FB link and read her post and then, I listened to the words used by many adoptees answering the question in her post. I found myself jotting down some of the feelings written by others; that I had also had and at points still have, some of them were: anxiety, abandonment, needing to control, worthless, not being good enough, not believing anyone can love me. Those are just some of the feelings, the thread on FB is amazing. I also want to say that Jessenia herself is an amazing individual, wise, empathetic, strong, willing to help, to be there with you. Follow her, listen to her wisdom.
I also listened to Kumar yesterday. I’ve followed him for years as he delved into his adoption, did his own work and started down the journey of exploring his adoption. If you have time one day, read his blog from the start, it’s worth it. Kumar’s post yesterday’s The Primal Wound took me by surprise and is perhaps the best book review I’ve ever read on the book. For those not familiar, it’s a book published in ’93 that is either loved or hated, I’d even go so far as to say most AP’s hate it without even having read it. When I read it back in the early 2000’s, it helped me, it made me not feel alone and that my many feelings throughout life were validated. But enough about me, go read Kumar’s take on the book. You can also find Kumar on twitter, here’s his tweet on the post.