We need to change how adoption is viewed.

I struggle to contain my anger when an adopted child’s entire world is taken away from them, I can’t explain in any cohesive way how devastating just the thought of it happening is, nor can I contain my outrage for the industry that placed them in that home.

On Harlow’s Monkey is this article that she was asked to contribute too, about the current story that is reverberating through the adoption community.

Adoption is complicated—and the Myka Stauffer controversy proves it

Personally, I want the National Council for Adoption to weigh in, to task themselves with the challenge of changing the harmful narratives of adoption is beautiful, adoption is love, all those sappy sentiments the adoption community and public recite by rote; and return to the basic premise that finding the right home for a child who needs one is the most important aspect in adoption.

I’m still to upset to even begin to expound on the story, how it highlights the problems with how adoption is viewed both inside the adoption community and in the public’s eye.

If you comment, you can be angry, but please remember to remain civil.

A post from a while ago that links to many posts on the problem of oversharing which this story shows the view when it is taken to the extreme.

“It is impossible to talk about the single story without talking about power. There is a word, an Igbo word, that I think about whenever I think about the power structures of the world, and it is “nkali”. It’s a noun loosely translates to “to be greater than another”. Like our economic and political worlds, stories too are defined by the principal of nkali: how they are told, who tells them, when they are told, how many stories are told, are really dependent on power.”
Chimanda Ngozi Adichie – “The Danger of the Single Story”

 

Are you a HAP hoping to adopt?

If yes, this post is for you. If you see yourself reflected below, do better, be better, because that’s not the moral standards an adoptive parent needs to have.

 

Told Not To Tell The Child They Are Adopted?

There seems to be a persistent myth that adoptive parents of my era (the BSE) were told by adoption professionals not to tell their child they were adopted. That just isn’t true and the sheer number of adoptees from my era who know they were adopted disprove it. Were there parents who didn’t tell their child? Yes. But that wasn’t because they were told by adoption agencies not to tell; they made a decision not to tell on their own, or they just kept putting off telling because it wasn’t the right time and the right time never came. Telling was the standard and widely practiced or there would be far more LDA’s (Late Discovery Adoptee) with the sheer number who do DNA tests now.

 

Reflecting

I’ve been reflecting on how easily I adapt to whatever is thrown in front of me. At the same time, I also feel bad that I simply adjust the wind in my sails and continue on while other’s around me struggle so much. I’m not saying I haven’t have moments of panic or bouts of fear about getting sick, because I did, still do at times, especially when the other half had to do the self-isolation stint.

 

From 2016: Adoptee loyalty…

The feelings of loyalty that I feel (and expect others feel in varying degrees) can play a significant role in how we talk about our adoption experience; both to our parents throughout our lives and as adults to others. I’ve wanted to talk on this subject for a while, but worried, I couldn’t tease out a cohesive post explaining why I think it happens. This is my attempt to explain many of the different factors playing into it that I see around me.