Apparently, I’m done with my mellow phase…
Rachel responding to another commenter after she created a post about how mean people came to her page and left nasty messages.
“Just wow. I’m sorry. I also think what’s interesting is that “anti-adoption” groups/pages/individuals are disrespectful OF the adoptees we are parenting (IRONIC, isn’t it?)–instead of being supportive/guiding us on HOW to parent our children. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. If you are going to point fingers at me instead of offering to HELP me raise the kids I was CHOSEN to parent, then I have no business with you. No time. Nope.”
Maybe adoptees aren’t offering to help you Rachel because of how you’ve treated adoptees on FB? Could it be you’ve blocked one too many adoptees who’ve challenged you to do better? Maybe it’s because you’ve used too many adoptees in the past and you have no credibility anymore.
Or maybe it’s because you just don’t know how to listen.
Go into any FB mixed adoption group and listen to the adoptee responses when an adoptive parent brings up a challenge their child is going through and asks for advice. We are everywhere, we may offer slightly different advice, but that advice comes from having lived through that feeling or event and came through it, and what we offer is there for the taking. The secret, though, is that you have to receive it with openness and willingness to hear what is being said, regardless of whether it cuts you to hear it. We expect you to listen to what we’ve said; mull on it and consider if it could help, try it and see if it does. If it does, and you offer that advice to another adoptive parent, then give credit where credit is due.
There were a few comments in the post I appreciated, most not so much. I’m closing with this comment re the meant to be nonsense; those in glass houses should not throw rocks, especially when that saying can be used in the reverse for those dealing with infertility.
“I’ve seen many have negative views about the notion that a different family was meant to raise someone else’s child. As a therapist I think it’s easier for adoptee, from good or bad adoptive families, to blame/lash out at their adoptive families than their biological parents… for whatever reason they have. I hate it for the adoptees and the adoptive parents that are/we’re good homes/families. Everyone processes their grief so differently. I just wish they would get professional help to unpack those feelings rather than trying to make all adoptive families out to be the bad guys.”