Happy New Year my friends! Hoping you all had holidays that left you feeling happy and refreshed for the New Year filled with goals and dreams galore. I’m still shocked we are 20 years into the new century, seems like just the other day we went to bed wondering what would happen at midnight re computers and Y2K. Damn, somehow that makes me feel even older and more reflective than normal, if that’s possible, and reflective in a way that goes off in strange tangents. (you’ve been warned)
I reflected a lot on the language we use daily to make people comfortable and while being kind and making other’s comfortable isn’t wrong, I’m sure it can also be harmful at times. Using words that specify exactly what something is, can make others look at it different, see something in a very different light, consider my description below, does it trigger a feeling inside? it does me.
We (the two of us) had a very hermit like Christmas and New Years. It was good, I roasted a chunk of cow for the carnivore for Christmas Dinner, which also solved cooking for him Boxing Day and the day after that as he loves Hot Cow sandwiches.
Does using cow instead of beef makes it too real that people are eating animals, where beef is easier to pretend it’s not a cow, same with pork instead of pig, venison instead of deer? Although why people can name chickens and fish and eat them, but seem to need to use beef and pork and venison, escapes me, maybe chicken and fish aren’t seen as sentient creatures? Am I missing something?
Which brings me around to the fact that in both adoption and donor conception, we also use terms to muddy the waters so to speak. We add qualifiers to mothers who gave birth to their child but is not raising the child, their only claim/action is listed in the term Birth Mother. People use Donor instead of even the non-emotional term Progenitor in donor conception because they can’t possibly hold the title Mother, Father, because that would be too hard on the parents raising the child, I guess.
Will we ever get to the point where we are comfortable with the duality that in adoption and donor conception the child has multiple parents?
And, for me personally, will I ever get to the point where when people ask how I am, whether at the doctors, the neighbors, friends and family, will I ever be able to answer truthfully, or will I always respond with I’m good, how are you. Will I ever be able to be wholly authentic and real about any struggles, whether physically or emotionally? I hope to be able to say by the end of this year that I’ve learned to be fully authentic on how I’m feeling, not just offering what they want or need to hear to make them feel better.
How about you? Any hopes for the New Year?