I think everyone has triggers that can immediately set you off. I have them, although the older I get, the less I seem to care about the ones that intrude on daily life, more of a it is what it is and move on. Yet, I still can’t do that with adoption triggers, they sit with me, sometimes I’m not aware they are still there until the next time they show themselves. This post is mainly about one adoption trigger; and it’s a ridiculously ignorant adoption meme going around on general and adoption FB pages.
I’m going to break my general rule again and post the link to the newest FB page to have posted it, so you can see how ignorant it truly is and, how ignorant the general public is about adoption in so many ways. At least this posting of the meme started with a commenter who knew better and, made a point of explaining it was wrong because adopting from the state didn’t cost, that thread had 52 comments on it. Next stand alone comment was the adoption lawyer guy who said he was the cheapest in the business, his thread had 75 comments on it and you can guess the content of those comments. And yet, the 3rd standalone comment was this: “Yes. So many people that would take on a child and love them more then their own life. Make it more affordable!”
Why the ignorance? Because in a really quick scan of the next bunch of the 2K comments, it appears no-one took the time to simply post an explanation of the difference between private and public adoption. That the former were private businesses finding pregnant women who didn’t believe they could care for a baby for various reasons and, the latter was a public state institution where children were removed from their parents, who, if they didn’t work their plan to the satisfaction of the state, lost their parental rights and the children became wards of the state and hence adoptable. I did send a private message to the page, doubtful it will do any good.
There’s a serious lack of education in the general public on the types of adoption; whether it’s from lack of trying to educate or because the public isn’t willing to take 10 minutes to listen and think deeply on the subject and learn, I can’t say which and will leave you to decide. And lets also be real, most people want to adopt a newborn and get the whole experience, which nowadays, much to my disgust and dismay, includes being at the birth which can add additional pressure on the mother to sign on the dotted line relinquishing her parental rights, a practice I don’t think history will look kindly on.
Every time I see ignorant adoption posts like this I’m triggered. Yet, this is one that doesn’t sit in my soul like other ones that happen within the adoption community itself, those are the ones that cut deep because children are, or may be, impacted by them. Some of those triggers are below with minimal commentary.
Posting “Pending Adoption Situations” that remind me of demeaning buy and sell ads and who needs that in their adoption story.
Posting “Adoption Announcements” they trigger me much like I’d guess pregnancy announcements trigger others; I’ll always get triggered when a child is severed from their original family, regardless if it was necessary, it’s still a tragedy at the core when you can’t be raised in your family of birth.
Posting many of the “Adoption Memes” because I am both sides, you tear down one side of me to lift up the other side just doesn’t work for me. Not to mention some are just ignorant.