When the name of the site is adoptees dot org – would you assume the posts on it would be authored by adoptees? I would. I’d expect it to be an adoptee-centric space with adoptee’s in charge, which would be great.
“Here at Adoptee.org, we answer questions regarding adoptee trauma, DNA testing, how to communicate with birth parents, how to find your birth parents, and anything else related to adoptees. We hope our site helps you.”
And I sit here wondering how people in adoption, those who actively work in adoption spaces have the gall to assume adoptive parents voices should be the primary voices heard; especially adoptive parents who haven’t even raised their child to school-age, let alone to adulthood, would possibly have anything valid to offer on the adoptee experience. Sometimes sites will do a wink and a nod with an adoptee voice thrown in, as if, see, we let them talk now and again; but always carefully selected to ensure just the right message is delivered. Note there are a couple of adoption agencies that make a point of including adoptee voices with hard posts to read; they are also the anomaly in the adoption world.
Getting back to the site, that should be an adoptee-centric space: below are the first articles I perused: And yes, none written by an adoptee, none of the posts below offered even a snippet of new that I could see, don’t bother to read more than one, if any.
What Adoptees Really Think about Adoption – authored by an AP/psychotherapist
5 Hard Facts about Being Adopted – authored by an AP/psychotherapist
Adoptee Trauma: Where To Find Help – authored by an AP since 2016
How To Handle Birth Parents That Want Zero Contact – authored by an AP since 2016
How to Be an Advocate for Adoptees – authored by an AP since 2008
Adoptees: How to Decline Sharing Your Adoption Story – authored by an AP who seems like she just can’t call herself an AP
The above website appears to be a spin-off of adoption dot com based on their privacy statement, I did find a couple posts written by adoptees, so, there is, that. None of the above posts are ground-breaking, rather, same old, same old messages.
Bonus posting on another site that also appears to be another spin-off of adoption dot com…
The 12 Best Blogs On Adoption – guess how many of the 12 are written by adoptive parents? Go on, guess…
The reason for this post is to both the newbies and the old-hands…
Pay attention to the role the author of posts holds in adoption. Pay attention to the message being given. Same old, same old? Pretty much what I see written by people who haven’t experienced the role of being adopted. Ask where the voices are from all areas in adoption. Ask where the challenging parts of adoption and being adopted are talked about. If they don’t offer real, lived, experiences from both good and bad times, move along.
Search out the voices that challenge the perfect adoption narrative told by those at the center (the AP’s and Adoption providers). Pay attention, push the cobwebs of happy ever after away, because nothing in life is perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist, even if they say when she struggled for a bit but moved on, move on, yourself, because life doesn’t work that way, struggles resurface and resurface again. Find voices that paint the good and the hard challenges, that don’t include, the happy ever after fairy tale ending.
The post below is from DearAdoption.com – it’s a site that tells many stories of being adopted, each one different, each is one person’s story – start there, it’s a real adoptee-centric site. Find other spaces that do the same, understand all the intricacies of being adopted, especially the hard parts, only then, will you start to get a basic understanding of what being adopted is…
Bonus from twitter from an LDA (Late Discovery Adoptee) who you should be following on twitter.