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Seeing yourself reflected back

14 Jul

The day I received the first picture I’d ever seen of my mother I went to show mom. I walked into the house, found mom in the kitchen and handed her the picture, she looked at it, then said something along the lines of I don’t recognize the dress and you look older in this picture.

Not so long ago, I was looking at that picture when my husband walked by, stopped, looked and said without asking who it was – you look like your mother. Me, I could only see vague glimpse of parts of me in that picture, although our hands were very similar, I’d guess she had bendy fingers too. Over time I’ve managed to add a few more pictures of my mother to my collection, but each time it is the same, I only see vague parts of me staring back, but not enough for me to say we looked alike.

Yesterday, I was on ancestry in my mother’s family tree, checking to see if there was anything new to add. I double checked the high school year book link, and yes, there was her picture, the picture I have of her in the tree. But this time, something grabbed my attention, a familiarity to my profile, so I checked my pictures and found an older picture of me in that profile and now I can see myself reflected back in a whole new way. Whether it’s because I’m now used to seeing bits of me reflected back in many in my maternal family and pictures of my father – that I can see it, or because something inside held me back – I have no idea. Not going to delve too deep into the why, I’m just happy I can see it now. I’m not an only, I can see myself reflected back in my mother’s face.

Cheers

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14 Comments

Posted by on July 14, 2019 in Adoption

 

Tags: ,

14 responses to “Seeing yourself reflected back

  1. Pj

    July 14, 2019 at 9:28 pm

    I don’t look like either bmom or bdad…but my twin brother’s pic side-by-side clearly shows resemblance to them both. I know I was fortunate to grow up with my twin, but we don’t look alike.We have similar physiques and mannerisms,although our personalities could not be more different.
    I was so excited when I received pics of my paternal grandparents . I resembled both of them.
    Yes, it’s important to see ourselves reflected back. I hope with all the stories coming out about adoptees and DNA discoveries that more people will come to understand the importance of connection..
    Thanks,Tao:)

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • TAO

      July 14, 2019 at 9:40 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to read PJ. I’m very much physically like my maternal family, first words from my aunt – when you’re the right height… 🙂 (short)

      Liked by 1 person

       
    • BOOKS: Sexual Assault, Loss

      July 18, 2019 at 4:40 pm

      Reunion has made me acutely aware of similarities in family members. The interesting thing is that a person might resemble parents very little, but strongly resemble a grandparent, aunt or uncle. I have discovered that profiles are important. The resemblance can be strong when a person turns head to the side.
      A person might have 2 short parents but grow to 6 feet; one realizes that a grandparent is tall and also the siblings of the grandparent.

      Liked by 1 person

       
  2. maryleesdream

    July 14, 2019 at 9:48 pm

    When I saw my mother’s picture for the first time, I swear I recognized her. She held and fed me for 5 days in the hospital. I also thought, she looks… I couldn’t fill in the blank.
    Turns out, her father was black. She looked black, but my mind could not recognize that.

    When my adoptive Mom saw her, she said, “she looks so much lower than you”. I thought, my mother looks lower than me? How can that be possible. She is me.

    We looked so much alike. We moved alike, and our voices were alike.

    Her grandson, who was 4 at the time, grabbed my daughter around the wist, from the back, because he thought she was his grandmother. That’s how strong my mothers genes were.

    I wish I had grown up with her.

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • TAO

      July 14, 2019 at 9:50 pm

      Amazing story – I wish you could have grown up with her too, I’m sorry.

      Liked by 1 person

       
    • BOOKS: Sexual Assault, Loss

      July 17, 2019 at 5:07 am

      maryleesdream, Great baby picture. You were an adorable baby.

      Liked by 1 person

       
  3. beth62

    July 15, 2019 at 1:59 pm

    I’m just happy you got to see that too 😊

    Like

     
    • TAO

      July 15, 2019 at 3:10 pm

      I knew you’d get it…it’s downright amazing.

      Like

       
      • beth62

        July 18, 2019 at 12:45 pm

        So, now that you’ve lessened the degree of Only a bit, have you noticed any changes or anything of interest?

        Like

         
  4. L4R

    July 15, 2019 at 11:16 pm

    When I saw my mom’s pic, my first thought was that I was possibly switched at birth.

    Like

     
    • TAO

      July 15, 2019 at 11:31 pm

      I didn’t think that but did you ever change your view L4R?

      Like

       
  5. maryleesdream

    July 19, 2019 at 12:52 am

    Voices are also hereditary. I did not grow up with my mother, but somehow our speaking voices are similar.
    I always noticed that my adoptive family had the same laugh. I was able to have that for a short time with my mother.

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • BOOKS: Sexual Assault, Loss

      July 19, 2019 at 5:02 am

      maryleesdream, “Voices are also hereditary.” So true! I have noticed this, too. I’m glad you pointed this out.

      Liked by 1 person

       
    • beth62

      July 19, 2019 at 2:22 pm

      They are. My husband of many decades will tell you it’s true, he answered and talked to my mother on the phone for a while before he figured out it wasn’t me.
      I sing like my maternal sister, our mother had to go lay down we she saw/heard it.
      I laugh like my paternal brother, we both thought we were the lone gigglers. It was the first big similarity that we all noticed. We could have giggled together all that time, we are so much alike. I’m sure we would have giggled through our younger days, like we do now.
      My adopted brothers, and now my nephew, sound and laugh just like Dad.
      My paternal brothers sound just like our dad, my son too, thankfully his accent is a little different, still sounds the same tho. I have to guess, or ask who it is when they call and pass the phone around the living room so I can talk to everyone.
      My son sounds like his Dad and my Dad. It confused me for a while. I finally realized my half of my son is me/my Dad. If my son is standing next to me, people comment on how he looks just like his mom. Same thing happens if he’s standing next to his dad, looks just like him. So, no reason the same thing couldn’t happen with his voice. It was just strange it took me so long to get to that.

      Liked by 2 people

       

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