Emotion sparked memory

27 May

It’s been an emotionally draining few weeks with all the new legislation being raced into law. It just seems so wrong, for so many reasons, reasons that will become excruciatingly real if any of the laws stand. There’s a reason doctors spoke up both pre and post Roe v. Wade, they witnessed the result when a woman could not obtain a safe, legal abortion and they had to try to save her life. But seeing as this is an adoption blog, that’s not the focus on this post.

The emotional fall-out if you’re an adoptee online right how can be overwhelming with these new laws. I can’t count the number of times I wanted to throw my coffee mug across the room at the sheer ignorance of the comments. But like a moth to a flame, I’d find myself reading them, hoping against hope people would listen, learn, or at least stop with the ignorance pouring out of their mouth that can be so triggering if you’re adopted.

If you’re wondering why this would be emotionally overwhelming; if you’re not adopted ask yourself how many times you’ve been asked if you’d rather have been aborted? Raise your hand if you have and leave a comment about the experience.

And the memes flooding twitter and facebook. Please, just say no and avoid the folly, or kindly explain that adoptees should never be used as a poster child for any cause, but especially not for this cause. Adoptive parents today are supposed to be wiser than my era, sadly, many are the worst offenders in this area, do better.

Which all brings me around why I started this post, I’ve been thinking about my dad a lot lately, his birthday is coming up, but that’s not the only reason I’ve been thinking about dad, nor is it on how deeply he was impacted as a physician pre Roe v. Wade. It’s about a memory that popped up out of the blue in the mulling on dad and the above, a memory that isn’t about the above topic, it is about the never ending ways adoptees are othered by society, but this time it wasn’t othering, it was real, and it was a good thing. I remember walking into the kitchen one day when I was maybe 5 and seeing dad and his best friend and fellow physician leaning against the counter talking. I was always excited when he came to visit, he delivered me, he was special to me and would always make a point of taking the time to talk to me. This time, I remember at the end of our chat he looked at dad, and then back to me, and said; I was a very lucky girl. He spoke the truth, I was lucky to have his friend, my dad. as my dad. Sometimes it’s okay to be told you’re lucky and it means the same as when it’s said to a non-adopted person, simply, because it’s true.




Posted by on May 27, 2019 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , ,

7 responses to “Emotion sparked memory

  1. L4R

    May 28, 2019 at 2:23 am

    Yes, Sometimes it’s okay. But, people need to tread carefully when using that word with adoptees. As an example, might it be okay for a white person to say that an African-American is well-spoken? Sure. But, you’d better understand the history of how that has been used in the past before choosing to use it haphazardly.

    Liked by 2 people

    • TAO

      May 28, 2019 at 3:23 am

      Completely agree, I tried to tread carefully and explain why – hope other’s understand.


  2. Geochick (@geochick_1)

    May 28, 2019 at 2:45 am

    It’s disheartening to hear all of this news, and especially how adoptees get dragged into the middle of the debate.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pj

    May 28, 2019 at 12:50 pm

    Yes, emotional and disheartening

    Years ago, when a-mom was alive, Florida approved a specialty Choose Life license plate. Mom commented about the discussion of a woman’s choice and need for such on a license plate. She was infertile and adopted 4 kids….and was pro-choice.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. beth62

    May 29, 2019 at 2:11 pm

    It’s all too loud to me, my ears are ringing, and burning.

    Adoption has been grown in everything, have you noticed? Like friggin kudzu. More than I have ever seen. It’s in the farm bill. I’m guessing most don’t see it all so well, or put it all together, it’s pretty sneaky. Like the farm stuff… yikes. Land, food and babies, pay attention. From my view, I think I could make a case that everything has been grown in Adoption.I

    I’ve seen so much marketing. the surrogacy marketing he!ps make it. You can say all kinds of stuff about it, and then combine all Adoptees and mothers with it. My husband is even appalled by it, it’s everywhere, daily, hourly. It’s hard to watch TV. It’s in the story lines, jokes about it are plentiful. There are several commercials for agencies here, that run all day… And they are not looking for those who want to be parents in their marketing. One even sells Open Adoption… in my closed state.

    My congressman calls himself an adopted child, a lucky 🐣🍼💲🐴💰🌈 repeatedly.
    Suggests he’d be dead, and certainly wouldn’t be a congressman if it wasn’t for Adoption. He wrote legislation to make it mandatory for all who consider abortion to be presented with the Adoption option choice. He hasn’t responded to several people asking the same simple direct question about introducing legislation to allow all adults access to OBC information in his great state. You know, to make Adoption even better for all. But, I guess we are the dumb ones, expecting a frightened child to respond to intimidating adults. Adult Adoptees who he obviously must think, as he twists it up, just wish he’d been aborted intead.


    • TAO

      May 29, 2019 at 11:58 pm

      Tell me more about the farm bill – I know snap is it, but adoption?


      • beth62

        June 2, 2019 at 11:49 am

        I think I got mixed up in the big picture, but yes, that must be the puzzle piece I was thinking about from the farm bill – work requirements for food assistance. And that part was excluded so, yay. My food bank buddies were in a panic, we can’t keep up now.

        At least I hope that was it :/ The cousin subsidy thing has thrown me off some… it’s been an emotionally troubling time in the news. Too much to remember!
        There has been so much stuff going on everywhere to add to the baby farming puzzle, I can barely look at some of it. probably forgetting a lot of it on purpose :(. The farm bill current issues, and history, so much is so very tricky, sneaky twisted words that are hard to unravel, it all sounds good until you get deep into it – when you know some other truths, then it’s just scary and heartbreaking when you hear most of it. terrifying even. You know, like Adoption can be, like Lucky can sound for us.



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