Reunion doesn’t make it all better

06 Oct

Before I reunited with my maternal family of birth – I loved every reunion story I read, watched. Now these many years later I’m more likely than not to pass them by because of the emotions that bubble up inside of me, that normally, sit just under the surface. Emotions that run the gamut of happy they finally met, to sad for all those years missed, years when they should have built a lifetime of memories to sustain them throughout life. Anger at all the reasons why because of adoption that they don’t have those memories. Emotions from my lived reality. And often, a healthy dose of disdain (not the right word) for the reactions of adoptive and birth parents of being happy for them, because they can never, ever, understand how little reuniting fixes anything unless they too, have lived it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I would never say searching and reuniting isn’t worth it, I would do it again a thousand times in a heart beat. Reuniting has been one of my greatest joys in life. It just doesn’t fix what can’t ever be fixed, the separation, the lives they didn’t live together, the memories they should have had, but don’t, because the connections were severed before they had a chance to exist.

Having said all of that – I’m posting a reunion story worth watching. A story that despite a happy ending is filled with 50+ years of lost time that never should have denied them in the first place. ‘Two Identical Strangers’ reunion that only took place because of one of them watched the documentary ‘Three Identical Strangers’ and was adopted out of the same adoption agency…it’s worth the 8 minutes of time it takes to watch.




Posted by on October 6, 2018 in Adoption


Tags: , , , , ,

12 responses to “Reunion doesn’t make it all better

  1. Laksh

    October 6, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    It is strange that I understand what you mean?

    Even when my girls meet their mom or we are in touch I am forever reminded that this is all twisted. The truth is the alternate universe cannot exist for many reasons. In this situation, each of us is doing the best we can think for the children. Yet, there are times I am not sure. The disconnect stares us in the face each day.


    • TAO

      October 6, 2018 at 8:14 pm

      No, it’s not the least bit strange to me that you get it on a visceral level – you have the ability to see outside you. Cheers

      Liked by 1 person

  2. pj

    October 6, 2018 at 8:05 pm

    Tao, couldn’t stop crying while watching. Sooo many emotions..
    Believe I previously mentioned my story.. I was adopted with my twin brother, by loving, open and supportive a parents.He and I are so very different, yet alike. He “ went away” years ago, although no conflict. Searching,research about adoption and finding bio family answered many questions. Adoption is so $&*#ing complicated.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      October 6, 2018 at 8:16 pm

      I can only imagine the whole other level their story meant to you -hugs – and yes it really is.


  3. Heather

    October 7, 2018 at 12:49 am

    So many emotions. What kind of people could purposely separate twins? So much loss. Thank you for sharing.


    • TAO

      October 7, 2018 at 1:06 am

      It is beyond reprehensible.


  4. juliemcgue

    October 10, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    I have a blog post I’d like to share about “Three Identical Strangers”. Let know if you are interested in it.


  5. Diane Cobb Cichowski

    February 16, 2019 at 9:03 pm

    I feel like I’m an outsider caught inside a bubble. I have a sister I’ll never meet. A depressed mother who spends every holiday in a dark cloud thinking about her child that she had in the mid 50’s, wondering if her adult child even knows if she was adopted. My mom tried to get her back as soon as she left the “home” and was told she had to be married so she found a husband two months later…anyone would do… she was unable to get her daughter back even after going to several lawyers. Then I was the new daughter, the replacement daughter, who of course could never be a replacement… try that shoe on. I have tried to find my sister for thirty years, only to be hung up on (the phone) by a panicked women who was the Baptist preacher’s wife, who made the arrangements. So now I think there was something squirrelly going on. My point is… so many people are affected in so many ways. Now I am learning of the great impact of a reunion on an adoptee. I am so sorry. Thank you for listening.


    • TAO

      February 16, 2019 at 10:19 pm

      Welcome Diane. Depending on the state you or your mother may be able to access her records or sign up on a registry.


      • thejazzgirl

        February 17, 2019 at 2:47 pm

        Thank you so much for you quick and kind reply. We have signed up on so many registry’s and paid a couple of search organizations that have taken my mom’s money and run. We are on, not sure what else to do. Now that my mom is 83 I don’t know how much time we have left and now I’m reading that a reunion is sometimes heartbreaking for the adoptees. It’s heartbreaking all the way around. Also I am getting a strong feeling that it may have been somewhat illegal as far as unscrupulous parties such as go betweens and lawyers being paid off and the story the the files in the “home” being destroyed by fire. (Supposedly that’s a common lie). But I don’t think this is the forum for this conversation and I truly apologize and if this gets deleted I will understand. But I want people who were adopted to know that they were never ever forgotten, not for one second, ever.


        • TAO

          February 17, 2019 at 4:37 pm

          That era was known for shady business for so many mothers. What state was your mom’s child born in – I’ll look and see if there are avenues you may not have know about. Also, did your mom do ancestry dna testing? If yes, there’s a mother from her era who has pulled off amazing results for that era, dna testing helps. Let me know.



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