I couldn’t find any words over the last week to talk about Mother’s Day that could form a cohesive post, I tried, I failed. Instead, I read old posts and it’s surprising how many reference mom and/or dad. Then I found a post written in 2011 about what it means to be a family, I also read the comments including the following comment:
“i am under the impression that you are a person who was put up for adoption, adopted and now you are very anti-adoption? was it a bad experience-your being adopted?”
The post “What being a family means” was a post in reaction to a story that I didn’t link too. The post is about what family means as taught to me by my family by their actions across their lifetime, a lifetime of action that included so much more than what I included in that post.
And yet, despite what I considered then and still consider now to be a post praising the values mom and dad lived, what they taught me – another adoptee left me the above comment that she assumed I was very anti-adoption, questioned my experience being adopted despite having just read a post holding my folks up as a family to emulate. But because I was taught that family is family and you do what you have to do for family – I’m anti-adoption.
This reaction isn’t uncommon still today all these years later; if you’re adopted you must support all adoptions. Where did the messaging in adoption go so wrong to expect adoptees to worship and hold up every adoption. What makes adoption and being adopted so fragile that if you aren’t for every adoption you come across, you are against all. That if you are for families staying together when possible, you’re trashing adoption. The either/or mindset that still is applied in adoption is destructive, it’s not rational, it’s counterproductive, if you see it, push back and try to get the person to see the middle ground.