Some, perhaps even many adoptees grumble about hopeful and adoptive parents grabbing onto the latest happy domestic infant adoption story, sharing it widely, making sappy comments, and I know for me, it always triggers an immediate reaction that starts with ugh.
That ugh has nothing to do with the actual story, it’s all in how it’s portrayed.
I also get the underlying reason why many share those stories.
They hurt. They’ve been hurting for a long time, or they remember how they hurt when the news they wanted to hear was replaced with the news they’d heard many times before they turned to adoption. So, when a good news adoption story comes along it makes them feel better, it gives them hope their dreams will also come true, or reminds them it did come true.
Many of us get it, and understand why you so need to hear a happy adoption story.
We also get that it is also a surface level story that leaves other characters out of the story being portrayed, the ones not included in the story that at the same time are dealing with a pain so deep, so stark it takes away your will to continue on. A loss that not only lasts a lifetime, that also visits on the next generations as well in different ways. It leaves out all the complicated and contradictory feelings that happened to, and will happen across the lifetime of everyone affected by that adoption, including that baby in the story.
That’s why you will find reactions that tell you they aren’t thrilled to see or hear the story you needed to hear and share right now.
Adoption is complicated, some day you may even find it hard to be happy about stories you see that are just like the story you needed to share way back when.
Adoption is a lifelong complicated journey with highs and lows for all, treat it with respect for what it is.