Thought for the day:
I can’t tell you how many adoptees start off processing the hard parts of being adopted only once they start talking with and getting to know other adoptees. Then they start talking about feelings, feelings they’ve never been comfortable sharing with others. Then once they hear others that were triggered the same way, in the same circumstances, and the pennies start dropping that their reaction to (perceived rejection, insecurities relationship wise, not feeling good enough, anxiety, aloneness, different) all centered around being adopted and is all part of the adoptee experience.
That, up until that penny dropped, they would have told you they didn’t have anything other than a positive adoption experience, no ill effects. And they did, many, perhaps even most of us also had a positive adoption experience, yet we also had the negative impacts as well, but we didn’t have anyone, anything, to recognise that while everyone can have any of those feelings or reactions, there is usually some reason people can point to for it being part of them. We didn’t have a reason for any of those feelings, or even the ability to name them. We were littles when we were adopted, we didn’t understand the side-effects could be those very things we’ve been challenged by, and will continue to be challenged by. Having a reason why you experience somethings makes it easier, not harder, to deal, accept. Understanding is needed to accept and acknowledge the why’s.
Being adopted is for life, the effects are life-long and with knowledge comes power and the ability to control, understand, accept, instead of beating yourself up for how you feel when you think you have no reason to feel that way.