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Hey, that’s how I’ve always felt…

14 Sep

Thought for the day:

I can’t tell you how many adoptees start off processing the hard parts of being adopted, once they start talking with and getting to know other adoptees.  Then they start talking about feelings, feelings they’ve never been comfortable sharing with others.  Then once they hear others that were triggered the same way, in the same circumstances, the pennies start dropping that their reaction to (perceived rejection, insecurities relationship wise, not feeling good enough, anxiety, aloneness, different) centered around being adopted and is all part of the adoptee experience.

That, up until that penny dropped, they would have told you they didn’t have anything other than a positive adoption experience, no ill effects.  And, they did, many, perhaps even most of us also had a positive adoption experience, we also had the negative impacts as well.  But we didn’t have anyone, anything, to recognise that while everyone can have any of those feelings or reactions, there is usually some reason people can point to for it being part of them.  We didn’t have a reason for any of those feelings, or even the ability to name them.  We were littles when we were adopted, we didn’t understand the side-effects could be those very things we’ve been challenged by, and will continue to be challenged by.  Having a reason why you experience somethings makes it easier, not harder, to deal, accept.  Understanding is needed to accept and acknowledge the why’s.

Being adopted is for life, the effects are life-long and with knowledge comes power and the ability to control, understand, accept, instead of beating yourself up for how you feel when you think you have no reason to feel that way.

Post-Adoption Services: Acknowledging and Dealing with Loss

 

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8 Comments

Posted by on September 14, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , ,

8 responses to “Hey, that’s how I’ve always felt…

  1. Paige Adams Strickland

    September 14, 2017 at 5:35 pm

    So much truth in this!

    Like

     
  2. Lara/Trace

    September 14, 2017 at 7:01 pm

    I remember when I first read the word “triggered” as an adoptee and thought, WOW! That is a good word. I don’t get triggered as much now, having been in reunion since I was 38 but I find movies can do it pretty fast.

    Like

     
    • TAO

      September 15, 2017 at 12:34 pm

      Exactly, having the words needed to explain what you’re feeling. Little things really that make such a profound difference.

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • Lara/Trace

        September 16, 2017 at 12:46 am

        Tao, if someone had explained those words to me early – it would have helped. I remember being so jealous, hearing of other people who opened their sealed adoptions. That would trigger me so much.

        Like

         
        • TAO

          September 16, 2017 at 3:10 am

          I agree, hopefully no more will deal with it this way.

          Liked by 1 person

           
  3. bekahbug9412pranali23

    September 22, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    YES YES YES! A year ago I would’ve told you my pain related to being an adoptee was minimal. Today, I can tell you I have met so many other adoptees who have helped me open my eyes to the pain that’s been there this whole time. Hindsight is 20/20–I can see where adoptee pain was in my depression. I can where my adoptee pain played a part in my suicide attempt while away at college. I can see where it played a part in my poor self image since elementary school. I found old journals when my parents moved out of my childhood home where I listed problems and listed people who have abandoned me. EVERY list began with “birth mother.” That hit me hard.

    Meeting adoptees who know my pain and understand it opened my very eyes to it.

    Like

     
    • TAO

      September 22, 2017 at 9:50 pm

      Oh Bekahbug, I’m sorry and hope understanding the why helps.

      Liked by 1 person

       

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