Last July, there was a guy on twitter that sparked this post. And no, not even a few months later am I a fan of naming folks, would rather just talk about the attitude. He blocked me 🙂 and checking later, he’d deleted at least one of his tweets, I also double checked to make sure I’ve portrayed it accurately. This guy, Billy, was upset that adoptees in New York want the same right others born in New York have; access to, and the right to receive a copy of their original birth certificate (OBC), he also seems upset that any adoptee anywhere could have that right.
Oh the horrors…
His first tweet on the subject stated he wasn’t a fan, apparently sparked by a post by David Crary of the AP who writes about adoption often, and accurately. This post of David’s specifically that covers adoptee rights in general, the history of states changing the laws, the current fight in New York and push for the Governor to veto a very bad bill is what seems to have sparked his outrage.
He seemed upset because that it isn’t what the parents signed up for when they signed the contract. To me, reading his tweets, it wasn’t clear which set of parents he was speaking of, not even when he noted that adoption should stop altogether and let children grow up in orphanages instead. (Yes, he went there, so parents who adopted, this is what your child will be subjected to if they dare have an opinion, a benign one at that about their right to their OBC.)
Then, it became crystal clear which parents he was speaking of that it wasn’t fair to, when he said, if the rules weren’t followed, then he wouldn’t adopt.
The reason why he blocked me? I responded to his words with this: Simple, don’t adopt then.
I used to tolerate (somewhat) the ‘orphanage’ rebuttal/threat, not so much now, specifically not when we’re talking about domestic infant adoption. The ‘who will adopt them if I don’t’ attitude is saviorism, coupled with the inherent privilege of assuming he’d not only be approved to adopt, that any child he did adopt would benefit by being adopted by him. The selfishness is in the ‘I won’t adopt if they can ever find out who they were born to be, who they were born of, who their ancestors were, even their nationality needs to be wiped away’ demands. The “Let them eat cake” saying popped into my head when I read his selfish words, i.e., let them grow up in an orphanage if I don’t get my way.
Sorry, that’s not parental material.
He’s not talking about adopting from foster care, as most would know, or have a way to find out who they were born to be. He’s talking about newborn adoption, the type of adoption that has couples lined up around the block for each baby available to be adopted, not to mention those from other countries waiting to adopt a baby from the US. No worries that if he doesn’t adopt that any would grow up in orphanages.
You aren’t ready to adopt if you want to demand that the baby you adopt will never, ever, be able to know who they were born to be, or of. Even babies abandoned can, and do, find out who they were born to, where they come from. It’s an instinct to want to know, a need to know, even if you can go months or years between wondering, searching, people at the end of their life, they still want to know.