So, there was this guy on twitter…

10 Sep

Last July, there was a guy on twitter that sparked this post.  And no, not even a few months later am I a fan of naming folks, would rather just talk about the attitude.  He blocked me 🙂 and checking later, he’d deleted at least one of his tweets, I also double checked to make sure I’ve portrayed it accurately.  This guy, Billy, was upset that adoptees in New York want the same right others born in New York have; access to, and the right to receive a copy of their original birth certificate (OBC), he also seems upset that any adoptee anywhere could have that right.

Oh the horrors…

His first tweet on the subject stated he wasn’t a fan, apparently sparked by a post by David Crary of the AP who writes about adoption often, and accurately.  This post of David’s specifically that covers adoptee rights in general, the history of states changing the laws, the current fight in New York and push for the Governor to veto a very bad bill is what seems to have sparked his outrage.

He seemed upset because that it isn’t what the parents signed up for when they signed the contract.  To me, reading his tweets, it wasn’t clear which set of parents he was speaking of, not even when he noted that adoption should stop altogether and let children grow up in orphanages instead. (Yes, he went there, so parents who adopted, this is what your child will be subjected to if they dare have an opinion, a benign one at that about their right to their OBC.)

Then, it became crystal clear which parents he was speaking of that it wasn’t fair to, when he said, if the rules weren’t followed, then he wouldn’t adopt.

The reason why he blocked me?  I responded to his words with this: Simple, don’t adopt then.

I used to tolerate (somewhat) the ‘orphanage’ rebuttal/threat, not so much now, specifically not when we’re talking about domestic infant adoption.  The ‘who will adopt them if I don’t’ attitude is saviorism, coupled with the inherent privilege of assuming he’d not only be approved to adopt, that any child he did adopt would benefit by being adopted by him.  The selfishness is in the ‘I won’t adopt if they can ever find out who they were born to be, who they were born of, who their ancestors were, even their nationality needs to be wiped away’ demands.  The “Let them eat cake” saying popped into my head when I read his selfish words, i.e., let them grow up in an orphanage if I don’t get my way.

Sorry, that’s not parental material.

He’s not talking about adopting from foster care, as most would know, or have a way to find out who they were born to be.  He’s talking about newborn adoption, the type of adoption that has couples lined up around the block for each baby available to be adopted, not to mention those from other countries waiting to adopt a baby from the US.  No worries that if he doesn’t adopt that any would grow up in orphanages.

You aren’t ready to adopt if you want to demand that the baby you adopt will never, ever, be able to know who they were born to be, or of.  Even babies abandoned can, and do, find out who they were born to, where they come from.  It’s an instinct to want to know, a need to know, even if you can go months or years between wondering, searching, people at the end of their life, they still want to know.


Posted by on September 10, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

7 responses to “So, there was this guy on twitter…

  1. maryleesdream

    September 10, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    society has strange attitudes regarding adopted people. We are expected to happily accept strangers as our parents, with no questions asked.
    We are expected to love our birth parents, but feel fine with the fact that they did not raise us. We are supposed to treat our adoptive families as our own, even though we are not at all related.

    Normally raised people are expected to love their families, and feel great distress when they are separated from them.

    What if adopted people were just like real people, with all the same longings and feelings. Then they are bitter, or had a bad experience. After all, everyone would love to trade in their less than perfect family for a better one? I’m sure they would soon forget their old family, just like we are expected to do.

    No one asked me if I was OK with being given away. No one cared at all. I was expected to behave a certain way, and since I did not, I’m at fault.

    How is this supposed to make sense?

    The man mentioned above does not see adopted people as people at all, but as possessions. Not a great way for a human to have to grow up.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. L4R

    September 11, 2017 at 1:43 am

    Ugh!.. Perspective adoptive parents: before adopting, you must accept that your future child will have another family out there in the world. And, your future child may well want some type of contact with them at some point in his or her life. Let that decision be made by the adoptee.

    Whether we choose to search and/or have a relationship with our other families is not about you. It is not a reflection on how well you will have done as a parent. It is about us. Our reasons for connecting with our other families are varied.

    Familial love shouldn’t be a competition. There is more than enough love to go around.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      September 11, 2017 at 1:06 pm

      Bravo once again you nailed it L4R!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Tiffany

    September 11, 2017 at 7:50 pm

    Forget the obvious fact he would be a crap AP– he would be a crap parent, period. I pity any child, adopted or born to, a man with so little compassion and love. He’s the kind of guy who wouldn’t love a child if they turned out to be gay or trans, who would fly into a rage at any imperfection or flaw, who would never be capable of raising a child born with special needs. Parenting is never, ever, EVER about you as a parent. It is always, always, always about continual, never ending love, compassion, and focus on your child, the human being who didn’t ask to be your kid or even be born, and is now your complete and total responsibility to get into adulthood in one whole and functional piece.

    He’ll never be capable of being that person, and I feel so bad if he does someday make the decision to have children because he is clearly not dad material.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. BeachyGirl

    October 3, 2017 at 5:34 pm

    I enjoy reading your blog about adoption! I was adopted in Missouri in 1980, so I still can not access my OBC, until January 2, 2018! I am very excited about being able to have that piece of paper in my hands. I already know my biological ‘parents’ if I can call them that. But having the same paper that identifies my birth parents, that my children do and have a right to, will be amazing!



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