I don’t know how many adoptees have found once they receive their Original Birth Certificate (OBC) that their mother didn’t name them. I know there are many of us out there, hoping against hope our OBC will show we were named. Instead, for many of us we are Baby Girl and our mother’s surname, Baby Boy, Unnamed Infant, whatever choice of words the officials decided to use at the time. Each time I take part in (or read) conversations about that happening to yet another adoptee, I silently scream the following.
Not being named by your mother is dehumanizing.
Not being named by your mother means you weren’t worth naming.
Not being named by your mother means you meant nothing to them.
Now, I realize the newest trend in adoption is naming together with the people you’ve chosen to parent your child, in whatever way you all decide to do it. That’s fine, your prerogative there. But from this adoptee, please, please name your baby on their OBC, whether you include in name the name you got to pick for their Amended Birth Certificate (ABC) as well as your own pick for first (or middle) and your surname. Show them they mattered to you before you signed away your rights as their mother on the very first document of their life.
It means you claim your child as your own.
It means your child is worthy and wanted by you, even if it isn’t possible to parent your child.
It means you see your child, really see your child as yours, not just a child you birthed for another.
And while I’m at it, what’s up with this other new trend of calling us your birth child? When I hear you add in that (birth) disclaimer/qualifier, it brings all the same feelings out in me as the above not naming does. Unwanted, unclaimed, unworthy of just being your child.