I’m trying to explain the shifting feelings that happen over the course of a lifetime about being adopted. Would you share how your feelings shifted and became more complex with time (if they did)? I think it’s important for parents to understand how feelings and your emotions can change over time re your adoption, how maturity, understanding of the larger society impacts those feelings good or bad. I just want them to realize that feelings about being adopted, the impact it has on you is not something static, more that it is fluid and ever-changing.
I can’t remember the age I was when being adopted suddenly included big feelings about not being kept – best guess somewhere between 7-9ish. Shortly after that age, I can remember when my birthday started including searching the newspapers personal section for a message from my mother of birth, I did that every year till I was about 30ish. I can remember the feelings of abandonment really hitting hard mid teens when I started dating. As a young adult, the feelings would pop up every six months or so, but it was just my norm by then. When I got sick is when the walls protecting me tumbled down for good, adding reality of lack of FHH to the mix, so in my 40’s, is when I really took the time (had the time, perhaps) to really understand how adoption had affected me, the many different ways it had.
I hope you’ll share.