RSS

Monthly Archives: August 2017

Why are AP’s waiting to tell their child they’re adopted?

More and more adoptive parents are openly admitting that they haven’t told their child they are adopted and intend to wait to tell till the child is old enough to understand.  I know I’ve brought this up many times over the years, but this comment left under an article written by an adoptee about the hard truths in adoption (loss, abandonment, grief) sparked this post.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
19 Comments

Posted by on August 26, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Which role is in charge of the reunion, or does it matter?

Lori has a post up that is a letter written by a first mom re adoptive mom not doing well with the reunion.  Go read it and put in your 2 cents.

Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive Mom

I commented already on Lori’s post under TAO.

If you will, come back and answer this question:

What is the protocol, etiquette, who should be the leader in an adoption reunion, answer below and why.

Cheers!

 

 

 

 
6 Comments

Posted by on August 23, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

End of life conversation

The title sounds incredibly morbid doesn’t it?  It wasn’t, but it was also a conversation mom needed to have, it was also a conversation I didn’t expect to be having on this blog.  But here we are.  There were several in-depth, sometimes contentious conversations in the on-line adoption community about bonding and attachment this past week.  People got upset, angry, hurt, worried.  I both get it, and don’t get it, I can understand the fear because of adoption, I can’t understand assuming one voice means all voices.  This post talks about how both conversations intersect. Read the rest of this entry »

 
4 Comments

Posted by on August 20, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , ,

Further reflections

Since my last post I’ve spent time reading other voices from all sides of the aisle on what happened in Charlottesville, as well as the larger picture of race relations.  I’ve tried hard to hear the underlying and competing views, but like must of us, our lived experiences feed into how we see anything, what side we find ourselves firmly planted on.  Read the rest of this entry »

 
5 Comments

Posted by on August 17, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , ,

Finding the words is hard

Friday night I went to turn off the computer, but first I checked twitter.  Horrified isn’t too strong a word for what I felt seeing the tweets and the glaring images of what was happening in Charlottesville filling my screen.  I don’t know how long I sat in silence reading, watching, before I finally turned it off and went to bed with deep fear in my heart for what Saturday would bring. Read the rest of this entry »

 
8 Comments

Posted by on August 14, 2017 in Adoption

 

Tags: , ,

Dear Expectant Moms considering adoption (aka Birthmothers)

I don’t know how many adoptees have found once they receive their Original Birth Certificate (OBC) that their mother didn’t name them.  I know there are many of us out there, hoping against hope our OBC will show we were named.  Instead, for many of us we are Baby Girl and our mother’s surname, Baby Boy, Unnamed Infant, whatever choice of words the officials decided to use at the time.  Each time I take part in (or read) conversations about that happening to yet another adoptee, I silently scream the following. Read the rest of this entry »

 
27 Comments

Posted by on August 8, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Dealing with loss

Everyone will be challenged by losses in their lifetime, some more than others.  How we cope, adjust, is uniquely based on our personality, learned coping skills, lived experiences, and our support system.  I’m ever thankful for the many adoptee communities that abound today, they are making a difference for many who were alone, who wondered if it was just them that felt that way, or couldn’t figure out why they reacted to things differently.  Adoptees finding their communities is beautiful to behold.  What is still lacking is an understanding from some (perhaps even many) in the other two sectors in adoption, as well as adoption professionals, even if it is better, it is not good enough, and in some ways deeply lacking. Read the rest of this entry »

 
7 Comments

Posted by on August 6, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Requesting adoptees help

I’m trying to explain the shifting feelings that happen over the course of a lifetime about being adopted.  Would you share how your feelings shifted and became more complex with time (if they did)?  I think it’s important for parents to understand how feelings and your emotions can change over time re your adoption, how maturity, understanding of the larger society impacts those feelings good or bad.  I just want them to realize that feelings about being adopted, the impact it has on you is not something static, more that it is fluid and ever-changing. Read the rest of this entry »

 
18 Comments

Posted by on August 3, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , , ,