That whole Meant To Be thing…

From my understanding this may be part of someone’s faith and I’m not trying to disrespect that, but delve respectfully into how problematic that can be in adoption.  Nor am I trying to disrespect parents who feel that way down the road that their family was what their family was supposed to be, that seems different somehow.

But, the deep dark rabbit hole it creates when you try to tie the Meant To Be based on a faith premise, combined and intertwined with adoption, specifically domestic infant adoption, just doesn’t work.  The places you have to go to get there, oh my.

So, lets break down what was said and was promoted on the adoption business page on FB.  I’m not linking to it, people going there and commenting isn’t going to do any good, perhaps more harm than good.

The main premise is that God creates people based on a need by others and what a blessing that is.  As a stand alone statement it’s fine, God gave an individual just the right level of everything they needed to find a cure for a dreadful disease.  It’s when you go down the rabbit hole to try to make it work in domestic infant adoption that it gets ugly.

What a blessing to a family who may not be able to conceive children on there own, what a blessing that God created Birth Moms to have babies for these families!

In the statement made the ones obviously in need are couples with infertility that want to be parents but can’t have children of their own.  So, to solve that, God created special women to produce babies that were created solely to be given to other people with infertility who wanted to be parents.

There is no other way to explain it, spin it.  A group (or class) of women were created for the purpose of giving away their babies.  And what’s worse, the target audience for this page is young pregnant woman.  Young women who are not only very vulnerable at this point in their lives, some, perhaps most in that age group wouldn’t be mature enough to know if they were being managed hoping they’d choose adoption, regardless if it was the best or worst choice for them.

If I apply this premise to myself, because my adoption was a domestic infant adoption, my mother was created with the purpose to go have sex before she was married.  Her having sex with my father happened so I could be created and given away at birth.  For her to be forever changed by that, to live out her life thinking of me every day until the day she died.  Going even further down that rabbit hole, even though my parents weren’t looking to adopt, this whole process over decades and many people, happened because they needed to adopt me.

So, not only was my mother created to create me and give me away, I was created to be given away, to lose my family, to live my life without family health history and deal with the struggles throughout my life because of being adopted, the grief, self-esteem challenges based on rejection, they were all pre-ordained.  My only question is how many generations in my maternal and parental lines were created to make sure my mother, father, and myself were created so I could be adopted.

Adoptive parents – you hold the power by your place in adoption.  If, or when you see garbage like this, please stand up and denounce it.  This has no place in an adoption that is ethical.  None.