I just left an adoption conversation where moving the goalposts was happening, and it would never become productive and only led to me being stressed. So, I thought I’d start a new conversation over here I could be part of and check in on. Are you up to it?
Feel free to talk about what you’re doing this summer, reading, cooking, your animal friends, hobbies, gardening, holidays, even adoption. I’m interested in hearing what you have to say and/or are doing. I’d also like suggestions on future topics of interest to discuss here.
Me, I’m doing laundry and dishes, it’s also rainy and blah out…
Come on, make me (and other readers) smile by just being you…what’s up?
The adopted ones blog 
Dannie
May 30, 2017 at 6:31 pm
THE normal school year ends this week….I’m working summer school, but being a speech therapist in summer school is relaxing more than the school year and just for the month of june….the extra money is nice since I have the kids in private school to get a head start on that for next year.
Things I’ll be doing:
Parenting– swim classes for the kids, E wants to learn to cook so will be spending time dedicating that to her and having her help in the kitchen, not really looking fwd to that, much easier for me to do it all, but she’s turning 8 and it’s good for her to learn more than just basics….S will be just enjoying the latter half of being 3 years old. We will be camping a couple weekends….doing the staycation thing…..hubby will start having 2 weeks paid vacation next year.
for me: downsizing and going more minimalist material wise. it’s a small home. We don’t need that much stuff……need to make albums on shutterfly. I realized that I have digital pictures online of my son but he has no albums dedicated to just him and hes 3 already….bad mommy. So trying to make about 5 albums this summer. My goal is to finish two self help books and two books for fun.
Thats about it.
For me personally, I’m enjoying reading more stories about adoptees growing up and their growing pains, particularly if they were introverts. My son was just asking all of in his 3 yr old fashion if we were really his “mom, dad, sister” we all said yes, and E said kind of but yes….then came to whisper to me….”you know, because i’m adopted so we don’t have the same dna”….so I told her, hes too little to have a conversation about dna, he’s just trying to make sure we are permanent in his life so say yes and then when he’s older you can have all the dna conversations you want with him. Remember he adores you and you guys are siblings in the sense that you belong in the same family and are sharing similar experiences together…..she was fine with that answer but shes smart and makes me go hmmmmm all the time, so I appreciate anecdotal readings….if you could share more on this blog I would love you forever. LOL
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TAO
May 30, 2017 at 6:42 pm
Dannie, my friend, belated birthday wishes…
Swimming was one of my favorite things, there was a public pool where we spent so many hours…are there public pools today? Can you go without parents?
Cooking – start with cookies first…and honestly, just being in the kitchen peeling carrots etc., you learn by osmosis…the other day I had to give the recipe to a BIL for a dessert I’ve never made but watched being made when I was little, amazingly I knew exactly what needed to be done and in what order…
Will focus on your request and see if I can offer input – thank you!!!
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Dannie
May 30, 2017 at 8:33 pm
thank you for the advice…..now that I remember i did learn to bake quite well before I was 9, so we will definitely start with her making the desserts…..thank you. ha ha about going to pools without parents…..this is definitely not that generation 🙂 But pools are plenty around us so am grateful for that much.
I had a wonderful time celebrating with the family away from home for a couple nights….kids had fun at a theme park, i didn’t have to cook….it was lovely. My kids are growing way too fast…..it was a great weekend of togetherness.
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Paige Adams Strickland
May 30, 2017 at 6:44 pm
In 24 hours I will be on summer vacation! yay! My students take their final exams tomorrow! Off to Florida next week to visit my mom. I’m a little worried about family drama, but…It’s still summer vacation!
Hoping over the summer to finalize my sequel memoir book about being an adoptee-in-reunion-adult too.
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TAO
May 30, 2017 at 6:46 pm
Happy travelling Paige. When you get back and if you get your sequel done – if you’d like to do a guest post on both books I’d be honored. Stay safe and avoid family drama…
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Paige Adams Strickland
May 30, 2017 at 6:53 pm
Sure thing! I’d love to do that!
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Gregory Luce
May 30, 2017 at 8:21 pm
The main focus of the summer is getting a ping pong table in the garage. If we can do that, I’ll be happy. If on top of that I manage to read a few good books and spend time on a hammock doing so, then that’s a great summer. We also typically spend a week up along the Gunflint Trail in northern Minnesota doing absolutely nothing.
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TAO
May 30, 2017 at 8:38 pm
I like your goals, ping pong a game everyone can play. The hammock sounds lovely as long as you aren’t surrounded by to-do’s in the garden. My goal is to tame the flower gardens bit by bit – yours sound so much more fun.
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Gregory Luce
May 31, 2017 at 12:34 pm
Well, I do have to pull weeds.
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TAO
May 30, 2017 at 8:44 pm
Thanks Guys – I needed normalcy and you gave that to me. I love my community…
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Pj
May 30, 2017 at 10:10 pm
This summer, next week 🙂 , going on vacation to west coast of FL. Peeps laugh when say I’m going on vacation ( retired) but hubby still works many hours.
Love Dannie’s idea of “downsizing” . Our home is relatively small and I hate clutter ! But the whole Tiny Homes movement is a stretch for me ! I really want to see the Tiny Homes Sequel after all these people have lived in a box for a couple years ( apologies to any Tiny Homers)
Love being on/ near the water. We have many manatees in our back yard and one , Abigail, was orphaned and tracked with a sensor so I was able to hear her story. When the marine biologist told me, I felt a connection to Abigail….She hung out here for awhile 🙂
I know this is a stretch, as we’re the minority, but would love to read anything about fraternal twin adoptees ( adopted together).
As alwys, Tao, much gratitude to you ..,
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TAO
May 30, 2017 at 10:29 pm
Fraternal twins adopted together – will see what I can find.
Totally forgot to comment on the declutter. I’ve been trying to stay committed to doing just that after having to do mom’s home. I get going and then when I have a enough to take to the thrift shop, it sits because I keep forgetting grab a box at the grocery store, then I rinse and repeat and need to remember to get boxes again. But I am trying – never did get this placed organized as I was starting to get sick when I bought it, then my brain was scrambled, but I’ve now run out of excuses if I got mom’s place done…thanks for reminding me, maybe…
Going to have to look up manatees…
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cb
June 2, 2017 at 4:55 pm
” know this is a stretch, as we’re the minority, but would love to read anything about fraternal twin adoptees ( adopted together).”
My older brother and sister are fraternal twins adopted together.
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Paige Adams Strickland
June 2, 2017 at 4:59 pm
Pj, I’m headed to Tampa in a few days myself! Enjoy!
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Pj
May 31, 2017 at 12:09 am
Can relate, Tao. Was looking though closets and drawers at dear 93 yr-old dad’s house the other day and overwhelming! I had to stop… evrerything is a treausre to him and all will stay put until he joins mom in the ” Big House” ..
Manatees aka sea cows….gentle, lumbering creatures. Last w- end, another manatee ( not Abigail) had a crab pot buoy tangled around her fin. I was mesmerized as I watched the pod ( they like to hang out here because it’s so protected from boaters) try to help her untangle her by nosing,pulling at the tangled buoy.
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Nara
May 31, 2017 at 12:38 am
Hmm. Not much and everything. Preparing to go back to work after maternity leave. The whole having a bio child thing (as an adoptee myself) has been huge. But not really processed it yet. I’m sure leaving for work is going to be traumatic. But right now trying to enjoy it until the last minute.
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TAO
May 31, 2017 at 12:40 pm
I feel for you having to go back to work, wish you could do half-days for a few weeks to make it easier. The processing thing, sometimes I think we’re just along for the ride and just have to let it go where it will. It would happen to me about every six months so I’d scour the internet looking but never finding. Wishing you the best in both.
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yan
May 31, 2017 at 2:10 pm
I think summer might actually e a thing in the Pacific Northwest, but I’ve just moved back here. Looking forward to farmer’s markets and discovering parks, maybe a pool or two?
For cooking with kids, I’d highly recommend cakes or brownies over cookies — there are no batches to keep making, which I find a boon even as an adult.
Adoption-related, I usually lose at least a few weeks of my summer in a cranky fog around my first mom’s birthday and my own, which are only a few weeks apart. I’ve stopped fighting it, finally, so it’s more just “oh, this again. I don’t really like this feeling.”
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TAO
May 31, 2017 at 3:40 pm
Farmer’s Markets – I always mean to do it, never seem to actually do it. Good reminder to find out when and where and schedule to do them, sometimes I’m far too reclusive.
But I love cookies…but you’re right, once and done is better and perhaps why we have brownies more often than cookies.
I wish you didn’t have the funk, for some reason I don’t get it.
GREAT to hear from you, the PNW is beautiful.
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cb
June 2, 2017 at 4:53 pm
Start of winter here. At least it doesn’t get too cold here – nice walking weather (temperatures 18-20 degrees Celsius (64-68 degrees F).
Enjoy your summers everybody.
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Tiffany
June 5, 2017 at 6:15 pm
We are in the midst of last minute moving prep. We aren’t moving out of the overall area, just to another town closer to work, but when you have a kid in school, it might as well be to the moon. I’m feeling like an awful mom for the upheaval it is causing to my oldest, even though I know this is best for the family (my husband and I currently both commute an hour and a half each way to work, and the move will make it around 30 minutes each way). It is hard to have to make these choices. I’m working on making her new bedroom super special to try to help with the sadness and give her something to look forward to.
On the adoption front, my younger daughter who is adopted has been struggling as of late. She is now old enough to feel the impact of being adopted, and hardly a day has gone by the last couple months where she hasn’t been sad or even cried about missing her parents. It often comes out when she is upset about something unrelated. She asks why we can’t see them, and I have no answer. We are in an open adoption, and they are always welcome (I make frequent invitations to be sure that’s always clear), but we haven’t seen them in two years. I think it is because it is very hard for them, emotionally, but that is just a guess on my part, so I do not want to present it to my daughter as fact. So all I can say is, “I don’t know, sweetie. I know this is hard for you, and I’m so sorry.” And just hold her and love her. But my heart just breaks into a million pieces for how much this hurts her. When she is angry, usually about me enforcing a rule (I’m a terrible parent who doesn’t let her stay up late at night or watch endless tv), she tells me she wants to go live with her “real parents” and that I’m not her mommy. It doesn’t hurt or upset me but I am hurt for her feeling this way (honestly, after experiencing it, I’m not sure why so many APs get so upset about this or take it so personally when their adopted kids say things like this- she is clearly angry and lashing out like my other kid does, she is just able to use this particular circumstance instead of something else; I get the “I hate you” from my kid who is biological, too, and I shrug that one off as well- kids are kids and just say stuff sometimes).
Long way of saying, I’d love to see anything on parenting younger adoptees and helping them navigate these big emotions.
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TAO
June 5, 2017 at 6:21 pm
Wow -you have your hands full – but lessening that commute will be worth it. I’ll think about the younger years. Big Hugs Tiffany…
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AdoptiveBlackMom
June 6, 2017 at 12:49 am
Well school isn’t out yet here In VA, so I’m busy so planning the summer… Plans and contingency plans. I’m hoping to squeeze in some travel, but there are band camps and summer job hunts and summer school to contend with. ☺
I’m hoping to find time to write more, deepen my natural tan, spend some time with family and sleep. That last one is kind of iffy, but I’m hopeful. ☺
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AdoptiveBlackMom
June 6, 2017 at 12:49 am
I’d love to great your advice on parenting adopted teens.
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TAO
June 6, 2017 at 2:45 pm
I’ll have to think about that – maybe a list of what would have helped.
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