Betwixt And Between

05 May

Definition of Betwixt And Between

1:  in a midway position :  neither one thing nor the other

That’s often how I feel being adopted, now more than ever before.

I can claim my family by adoption, but I don’t share a genetic history with them, just a social relationship that is slowly eroding over time and distance now that both mom and dad are gone, they linked me to them.

I can claim my family of birth, but I don’t publically claim them, even though I’d love too, because not all may know I exist, or the story of my adoption and who my mother was, or approve of me publicly claiming a genetic connection.  I don’t want to cause my loved ones any angst when I only have a sliver of a social relationship to draw on.

One day, I won’t have any, time will turn me into an only, like I was the day I was born.

(I’m fine, just musing on realities, and the old saying got me putting pen to paper about how it fits me)



Posted by on May 5, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents, biological child


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

6 responses to “Betwixt And Between

  1. Lara/Trace

    May 5, 2017 at 7:09 pm

    I am so glad you are writing Tao – we need to read you.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Heather

    May 5, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    I hear you both in my head and my heart. I’m so glad you share.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. maryleesdream

    May 6, 2017 at 12:51 am

    I don’t think anyone involved in infant adoption considered the effect it would have on the adopted adult. Things do not get better.
    The innocence of childhood protected us from some of the harsher realities of being adopted.
    The pain does not lessen over time. in many ways it intensifies, as we see the lost connections gping down through the generations.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Cindy

      May 7, 2017 at 3:08 am

      The child of an adoptee does consider the effect. They grew up with an adoptee for a parent and saw too well what the effect was. I knew when everyone else was just as thoughtless as a rock what it would do to my son. They didn’t care why would they? They just wanted what they saw as a “problem” instead of a living breathing human being, to go away. Sad. Some days I’m so angry. Shame on me.


  4. anenomekym

    May 6, 2017 at 10:09 pm

    When I was 17 or 18, I remember a sensation that once my adoptive parents died, I would be an “orphan” again. At that time, I had little understanding of my own adoption, had never thought of myself as an “orphan” that I could recollect, and was only beginning to allow myself to think about my own adoption.

    Much more recently, I’ve come across numerous adoptee blogs also expressing their own “betwixtedness”, lack of belongingness.

    I’m so grateful that other adoptees are sharing/speaking. When I was 17/18, I didn’t speak to any other adoptees about adoption (not even my abrothers, also adopted).

    Liked by 1 person

  5. beth62

    May 7, 2017 at 3:08 am

    I remember feeling the only strong when my daughter was a baby. When I realized I was now the first.
    Maybe its easy to feel the only when you become the first, the last, the next, the oldest, the only.

    The oldest of my two adopted younger brothers, my aparents biological son. mentioned when our parents pass, he will be the next one in line then, the oldest one left of both of their lines. That’s if he looks at his Genetic Tree, so he’s decided to go with the Family Tree – so I’ll be next instead and he can hide behind me.
    I reserve the right to choose from either/any/ of my Family branches or trees when my time comes to be the oldest one left 🙂

    Since I lost my two weeks older than me adopted cousin unexpectedly, I’m now the oldest of our generation of cousins. My cousins little brother just lost their dad, now he’s now the oldest in his family. He said we both got hit with being the oldest by suprise since his sister died. We had always counted on hiding behind her, never really considered being the oldest ones. Can’t say we like it much at all.
    Constantly wiggling betwixt and between, it never ends.

    I’ve never been able to escape feeling the only. I try not to do it alone. It can be an odd feeling. It can be a content feeling, and a very lonely one too. And a content to be alone feeling. I was content to walk alone, be alone, others would tell me I had to come back. Then I was very content to walk alone with my baby only, Only the 2nd. I wanted nothing else, except for her to have her dad too so she wouldn’t be a half-only. I’m glad I gave her a brother so she wouldn’t be an only one. It’s made me happy that my kids aren’t onlys, one of my lifes missions, keep them from being an only, a first, like me.

    My buddy Oscar has been an only for over 70 years. Grew up in an orphange, doesn’t know who his family is, and never had a wife or any kids. He has some very interesting views on Only. One being, he never feels stuck in the middle, in betwixt, nor in between. Only can be scary, it can be very powerful, it can get you in big trouble too LOL Use it wisely.

    Liked by 2 people


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