When those wanting to adopt, forget that morals matter in how you adopt

10 Apr

Last night I got stressed out by what occurred when an expectant mom made a post on an adoption page asking for information.  What happened robbed me of sleep for several hours as I just kept thinking about it, this morning, it was the first thing on my mind and it’s still there now.  So here I am trying hard to come up with a way to frame this that can be heard, needs to be heard, while the cynic in me is saying, those who need to hear and understand, aren’t going to read a post telling them they’re wrong.  I still have to try.

What I do know – this type of behavior has no place in adoption.  If you do this, you have no business adopting, and I hope any social worker checks social media before approving you to adopt.  It is not proper, rather, it is beyond the pale to solicit an expectant mom on Facebook (or any site), regardless if it is an adoption page, or not.  It doesn’t matter whether you send her an unsolicited private message, or post on her post asking questions about adoption, that you want to adopt her baby.  You don’t ask a random internet stranger to adopt her baby.  That is what I witnessed last night; from the rash of posters that had sprung out of the woodwork who I’ve never seen post before, coyly offering sweet saccharine messages of support and being willing to lend an ear in private, to the blatant on your post comments screaming, pick me, pick me, to the sending of unsolicited private messages detailing their long journey with infertility, and how, amazingly, they are looking for exactly the type of adoption you are considering.  Prior to this I need to note that I’ve seen some of those private messages, sent unsolicited to expectant moms the moment they say they are considering adoption, that before that post, was a complete and utter stranger to them.

I know this happens often, more often that one would expect.  Apparently, there are even some groups of hopeful adoptive parents that solicit expectant moms to join their group(s).  My guess, this type of behavior is the newest machination of finding a “birthmother”, probably saves them money and time to just solicit every expectant mother who mentions adoption.  Who cares about the expectant mom anyways, just because she’s in crisis, she’s an adult, let her worry about protecting herself, your goal is to get a baby, and any baby will do, the cheaper, quicker, the better.  Adoption is love, regardless of the means and methods you employ while adopting, right?  (no is the correct answer if you don’t realize I’m being sarcastic.)

If I had a chance to ask a question to any that would choose this method – how are you going to explain your actions to your child?  How you adopt is very important to adoptees in general, I can’t think any would disagree with that statement.

To all the adoptive parents out there who are aghast that anyone adopting could act this way, or think this is unacceptable, I salute you for having a strong moral compass and respect for adoption, how it’s practiced, the parties involved.  I’d also ask you to speak up if you witness this happening, and loudly voice that type of behavior has no place in adoption, that it’s a showcase of the lowest common denominator of human behavior creeping into the adoption world, combined with I want and deserve a baby mentality.  This type of behavior is also the genesis of such terms like adoptoraptor that leave your skin crawling just hearing the term.  The type of behavior that leaves all of you open to being scammed, regardless of your morals or ethical choices in your adoption.

To those who act like that, who think soliciting strangers on the internet to give you their baby is just fine, don’t whine and snivel when you find out you got scammed, it’s karma.




Posted by on April 10, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , , , ,

8 responses to “When those wanting to adopt, forget that morals matter in how you adopt

  1. cb

    April 10, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    It appals me how common it is.

    I always think that when HAPs are going through the adoption process, they need to think of how it will sound to their child. “Well, we just wanted a child so we went around soliciting every emom on every forum we could”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heather

      April 10, 2017 at 8:55 pm

      That is assuming they will put the child’s emotional needs first and also assuming they will tell the truth.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lara/Trace

    April 11, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    It’s madness, a form of insanity, for someone to ask a stranger for their baby. I really mean psycho.


  3. lora

    April 13, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    I reported a post on a totally non related site ( a weight loss group) of a woman asking for help finding a baby, and had it removed. Since when is it appropriate to solicit for a baby any where you are?


    • TAO

      April 13, 2017 at 2:41 pm

      It never is in my opinion, we aren’t someone else’s trash to take home.


  4. L4R

    April 17, 2017 at 12:07 am

    Maybe we, as complete strangers, should start asking all expectant moms for their babies. Maybe only then will people realize how ridiculous it is to recruit an expectant mom for her baby.


    • TAO

      April 17, 2017 at 3:33 am

      The whole idea just creeps me out and cheapens it…it’s just boggles the mind that anyone could be so crass, but here we are….



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