I’d been lulled into complacency thinking that adoptive parents had finally understood that sharing all the gory details of their child’s story to the world, wasn’t in the best interests of the child. Then I stepped out of my self-selected adoptive parent blogs and groups I follow, and with one click, that complacency evaporated…
Some adoptive parents/foster parents are just as bad as any ever were, describing in great detail what their child looked like when they met them, the trauma they hold, what happened to them, how they respond (or not), minute details included.
I’m told it’s to help other parents understand. I’m told it’s the right thing to do so people don’t go in unprepared.
I call bullshit.
If the adoption professionals aren’t preparing adoptive parents well enough, muster together and force them to do their job, change the laws. If you need an example, look at how adoptees have worked tirelessly for years, sometimes decades, to change the laws. Pull together and demand change.
If you’re adopting, do your own research, google scholar has a wealth of professional information available, some free for the taking, some you have to pay for. I’m sure with a bit of sleuthing there’s a variety of information available, post adoption support services to delve into what trauma a child may have, signs they may need more help, help figuring if you are up to the challenge before you get under-water. Meet with a professional trained in adoption and trauma, you could even reach out to another adoptive parent and correspond in private, or have a group you’re in do an anonymous post for advice.
Sharing your child’s trauma, beginnings, daily challenges in minute detail is just click-bait for your ego at the expense of your child. Adoptees deserve the same dignity that any child deserves, not to be used as tool to make people think you’re such a hero.
Ps. Please note the way I started this post that many adoptive parents I know treat their child/ren with the dignity they so rightfully deserve. They take the highroad, some even share challenges but in a way that dignity is kept.