The Art of Not Oversharing your Child’s Story or Troubles…

03 Apr

I’d been lulled into complacency thinking that adoptive parents had finally understood that sharing all the gory details of their child’s story to the world, wasn’t in the best interests of the child.  Then I stepped out of my self-selected adoptive parent blogs and groups I follow, and with one click, that complacency evaporated…

Some adoptive parents/foster parents are just as bad as any ever were, describing in great detail what their child looked like when they met them, the trauma they hold, what happened to them, how they respond (or not), minute details included.

I’m told it’s to help other parents understand.  I’m told it’s the right thing to do so people don’t go in unprepared.

I call bullshit.

If the adoption professionals aren’t preparing adoptive parents well enough, muster together and force them to do their job, change the laws.  If you need an example, look at how adoptees have worked tirelessly for years, sometimes decades, to change the laws.  Pull together and demand change.

If you’re adopting, do your own research, google scholar has a wealth of professional information available, some free for the taking, some you have to pay for.  I’m sure with a bit of sleuthing there’s a variety of information available, post adoption support services to delve into what trauma a child may have, signs they may need more help, help figuring if you are up to the challenge before you get under-water.  Meet with a professional trained in adoption and trauma, you could even reach out to another adoptive parent and correspond in private, or have a group you’re in do an anonymous post for advice.

Sharing your child’s trauma, beginnings, daily challenges in minute detail is just click-bait for your ego at the expense of your child.  Adoptees deserve the same dignity that any child deserves, not to be used as tool to make people think you’re such a hero.

Ps. Please note the way I started this post that many adoptive parents I know treat their child/ren with the dignity they so rightfully deserve.  They take the highroad, some even share challenges but in a way that dignity is kept.



Posted by on April 3, 2017 in Adoption


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

9 responses to “The Art of Not Oversharing your Child’s Story or Troubles…

  1. cb

    April 4, 2017 at 12:12 am

    Yes, one can be rather protected on being on forums (which sadly often seem to provide better education than some adption professionals)

    As for this:
    “Sharing your child’s trauma, beginnings, daily challenges in minute detail is just click-bait for your ego at the expense of your child.  Adoptees deserve the same dignity that any child deserves, not to be used as tool to make people think you’re such a hero.”

    Totally agree. One can tell the difference between those who truly care and those who want to be seen to be heroes.

    I’ll have to try and find it but there is a passage in the bible about those who toot their own horns when it comes to “being heroic” and I do sadly often see that happening in adoption.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lara/Trace

    April 4, 2017 at 12:39 pm

    Who would have guessed this would happen? But it has and did. A law to protect the adoptee from a violation of their privacy is the only way now. And for me it’s adoption porn, porn that makes some adopters a parasite who make money off their books and blogs. Follow the money. Billion dollar industry, right?


    • TAO

      April 4, 2017 at 2:54 pm

      It will never, can never happen because of the “as if”. Even denying prospective adoptive parents approval to adopt is a slippery slope today…you know, because the best interests of the child is not as important as adult rights…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lara/Trace

        April 4, 2017 at 11:24 pm

        Somewhere adoption morphed into something else. Child Trafficking for profit?


        • Cindy

          April 5, 2017 at 3:35 am

          Personally, I don’t think adoption has ‘morphed’ at all. I think it’s just becoming more evident as to what it often is. and has been. all about. Just one mother’s 36 year perspective. What side of the fence one is on has a great deal to do with that perspective.


  3. Adoptee Corner

    April 14, 2017 at 5:43 pm

    This really irks me! Many adoptive parents (or people blogging generally) take great care to respect other people’s privacy, but occasionally I really do wonder with some adopter blogs. I especially dislike it when I read really specific, private things about a child’s background that the child doesn’t yet know (and in some cases will be hidden from them!). So…the internet knows first??! The internet knows all??! People do realise that children grow up, right? I respect my family’s privacy when I write – and children’s privacy should be respected too (both adopted and non-adopted).

    If I had to deal with the narrative of my adoption as told and discussed by randoms on social media IN ADDITION TO the adoption narrative of society and in my files and in my so-called “life story book” I’d have my work cut out. Ugh. I don’t think I could bear that extra layer of knowing randoms had discussed this and that and the other and all formed opinions about it and me..


    • TAO

      April 14, 2017 at 6:05 pm

      Extra layers is very apt. Welcome



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