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Wanting to adopt a child in need

31 Mar

I can’t tell you how many posts and articles I’ve read over the years talking about adopting because all children need families.  That adoption has always been part of the plan, or has been laid on their hearts.  That giving a home to a child in need is what they’ve always wanted to do since they were young, and that adopting now is the plan seeing as your quest to have one of your own didn’t work. (fair warning this isn’t warm and fuzzy)

Dear people who want to adopt a child because the need is great, that every child needs a family.  Adopting a newborn doesn’t address the problem you describe that you want to be part of the solution to.  There are literally dozens of other families, just like you, homestudy approved, waiting to be picked by an expectant mom, clamoring to adopt that newborn from a mother willing to surrender her parental rights to you.  Unless that baby has severe special needs or risk of a mental illness, that is.

That child you adopt doesn’t need to grow up under that shadow of being rescued.  You aren’t rescuing her, you aren’t necessarily even giving her a better life, just a different life.

Educate yourself and do some soul-searching if you think adopting a voluntarily placed infant is a rescue mission, helping a child in need, or that if you don’t, who will.  The answer is that dozens of other couples will, it’s a market with more wanting than those giving, crass as that sounds.  Remove the fantasy and accept the reality, you want to parent and that’s the route you’ve chosen.  If you can’t stand up and say you’re adopting because you just want to be a parent and you can’t any other way, without all the other mumbo-jumbo so people think you’re a saint, don’t adopt, you won’t be doing that child any favors.

 

 

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9 Comments

Posted by on March 31, 2017 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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9 responses to “Wanting to adopt a child in need

  1. Dannie

    March 31, 2017 at 4:05 pm

    Until I took the informational meeting, I didn’t realize foster/adopt was basically helping a child have a roof over their heads and some form of stability and possibly adding to your family for no fee.
    Talk about children that need some form of stability and family in their life, but others will negate and say ‘oh that’s not the route we want to take because it’s too risky and I don’t want to get attached with so much risk” or “don’t they have problems?”

    So soul searching is really in order. I’ll admit every day I’m wiser than my naive self 8 years ago starting the process to get licensed in the foster/adoption department. But if I had to do it again, I would…..why? because sometimes kids don’t need new families, but they do deserve a chance in life. And as a fellow foster mother just commented to me…..so I cry when they leave silently in my bedroom…..if that kid is able to form healthy attachments in life because I was able to provide a year of stability and basic needs plus throw in some love, then it’s all worth it.

    Just think of all the pre teens and teens that could use help with filling out college forms, fafsa, needing to be taught budgeting, life skills. I have no room in my house at this time, but I always think between my husband and I, we could do some good work with older kids, especially with life skills.

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    • TAO

      March 31, 2017 at 4:10 pm

      You could Dannie – I wonder if they have any mentorship type programs for those aging out? I remember asking FP’s on a forum if they are supposed to teach the teens in their care daily living skills like my folks taught me, the answer was no, but I *think* it was MA that had a program to do that.

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      • Dannie

        March 31, 2017 at 4:17 pm

        once the young boy reaches Kinder age and more independent this is an area I’d really like S and I to look into. Life skills are so important and so many articles about aging out foster youth not doing well after with some basic life related.

        Liked by 1 person

         
        • Dannie

          March 31, 2017 at 4:17 pm

          basic life skills related tasks……my computer is wonky….so sorry

          Liked by 1 person

           
    • Vikki

      April 5, 2017 at 2:13 pm

      This is exactly what these children need. Bless you for doing that.

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  2. Raven

    April 1, 2017 at 8:56 am

    Dannie, contact David & Margaret Youth and Family Services in La Verne. It’s not far from you, and they would love to have you teach life skills to the girls in the residential program. (You’ll love the campus!) They also have kids who’ve aged out and living in the new apartments. Tell them an old alumna from 1971 sent you. 🙂

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  3. Vikki

    April 5, 2017 at 2:14 pm

    This is perfect!

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  4. beth62

    April 13, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    Thank you for this one (((TAO)))
    I needed some backup in my ongoing discussions with some lovely and pleasant young women last weekend.
    This was very, very helpful.

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    • TAO

      April 13, 2017 at 3:29 pm

      Anything for you Beth

      Like

       

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