The difference between…

17 Mar

Sharing your perspective based on your life experience and being a know-it-all-bitch.  Where is that line in conversations between groups in adoption and within groups?

I’m the first to admit I get bitchy and I try to warn people ahead of time.  I often feel like throwing my coffee mug much at the computer screen, yet I’ve managed to restrain myself, thankfully.  I do not, and will not hold with being an ass for the sake of being an ass.  Being an ass gets you nowhere.  Any hope of the person having a change of heart is about zero.  Any chance they will mull on what you have to say and see if any of it applies, is gone.

I vote for civility.  I vote for being polite.  I don’t vote for creating strife, stress, ugly, being rude, they serve no purpose.

I vote for being open, or as open as you can be while maintaining your privacy to your story.  Trying to word things so the other can hear them, even if I fail in that area frequently.

I don’t vote for trashing another person, no matter what group within adoption they reside.

Challenge the thought, the idea, the belief, not the person.

Change happens slowly, be patient, be kind, or as kind as you can be even if that means using a blunt neutral voice.  It’s the best way I know to change both the heart and the mind, it’s also the fastest way.

Stay safe, be kind…


Posted by on March 17, 2017 in Adoption


Tags: ,

11 responses to “The difference between…

  1. Changeling

    March 18, 2017 at 12:51 am

    Thank you for the reminder of being kind. It’s so tough to do sometimes…. 🙂


    • TAO

      March 18, 2017 at 1:02 am

      I need a regular reminder too.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Changeling

        March 18, 2017 at 1:16 am

        Here’s my challenge: accepting the baby rage and not acting on it. And damn! sometimes that baby rage gets intense.


  2. Pj

    March 18, 2017 at 2:47 am

    Great post, Tao. As a BSE adoptee, I’ve had very intense feelings of anger/ hurt ( dance, yoga, mediation helps with that 🙂 But being kind and extremely ! patient has helped to change “my heart and mind”. It’s not all about us…


    • TAO

      March 18, 2017 at 2:49 am

      Completely agree.


  3. wsbirthmom

    March 18, 2017 at 3:32 am

    I always say, reapond and everything with tact and fact. Delivery is EVERYthing. Dismissal gets us nowhere.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      March 18, 2017 at 3:33 am

      Agree, it’s how you frame your words and not painting with a broad brush.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. kayrosey

    March 18, 2017 at 1:52 pm

    I’m on the other side of adoption as you, I’m the adoptive mother, and I feel this way too sometimes. It’s made it difficult for me to even seek out adoption platforms, but I still try.


  5. stitchwitchd

    March 24, 2017 at 6:51 pm

    I wish my kids’ adoptive mother understood that me talking about my feelings and sharing my lived experiences is not intended as an insult or attack on her.


    • TAO

      March 24, 2017 at 7:20 pm

      I’m sorry



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