Specifically, the birthday of my mother by birth. The morning before, I had this thought that there was a birthday I was missing, but I had no idea whose, or even when, just that it was someone’s birthday soon, perhaps that day. Seeing as I couldn’t figure it out I went to check my family trees to see if it was a direct line ancestor’s birthday. I checked dad’s tree first because it’s the one I know best, nothing, so then I moved to my maternal birth family tree, and there it was, my mother’s birthday was the next day.
I pulled up the handful of pictures I have of her, then I searched for pictures of me looking for similar poses. Searching for similarities. At one point, I was looking at the very first picture I ever saw of my mother and one of me with my head tilted somewhat similar and my husband walked by and came back to see what I was staring at so intently, and he said, you really do look just like your mother. He’s not one much for words, nor to get into deep emotional topics so for him to say that – means it must be so. That picture is the same picture I took over to mom the day I got it, I’d handed it to her as soon as I came into the house and her response, I don’t recognise the dress and you look older, then I told her who was in the picture.
That is what living life as an adoptee in a closed adoption is, if you’re lucky, in my case I was 45 years old before I saw a picture of my mother. Can you, a non-adopted individual imagine how that feels? To not know who you take after, who else in your family shares a trait, what runs in your family health history? Not to even know your mother’s birthday or what she looks like / looked like?
All these years later, this still bothers me. There are tens of thousands of adoptees who will never even see a picture of their mother. Never know who they were born to be. Have gone, or will go to their graves never knowing. Please check to see if adoptees in your state are working to change the laws so they too, can know who they were born to be, support them, call your legislators and tell them it’s time the laws changed.
Just google “adoptee rights” plus your state to find out.