Where to start…this isn’t a feel good post, this is an angry post – don’t click the ‘see more’ expecting anything different…
This article was posted on an adoption agency facebook page. I commented a week ago asking whether they’d read it before they shared, and how much incorrect information was in it. They haven’t responded, or removed the post, hence this post.
This post is wrong in so many ways and you should read it because I’ve only quoted a couple of spots but speak to many points. It speaks as if the adoption is a done-deal and the new mother is just a bystander in the birth of your child. Nor is anything child-centered about this article at any level. It isn’t centered around the expectant mother, her needs, her emotions that come with considering adoption for the child she is giving birth to. Nothing whatsoever about both the mother and baby needing time to say hello before the mother making the choice to parent or not. And if her choice is still adoption, she can sign only after the minimum number of hours have elapsed determined by the state she gives birth in, before allowing her to surrender her parental rights. Note it’s a minimum and she can take as long as she wants, she just can’t sign before.
Under the heading Jealousy my thoughts below
If you feel jealous of the mother holding your baby, caring for your baby then please remember that it is her child, not your child.
A twinge of envy seeing her with your child? No, this is her child, not your child.
Under the heading of Pressure and Stress my thoughts below
It tells you to talk to the biological mother so you can come up with a plan that suits both your needs. Seriously, what you want regarding her labor and delivery of her baby is irrelevant. Her pregnancy, her delivery, her baby. Repeat as often as necessary. If you are there, you are a guest only.
Bring a camera especially if you’re having an open adoption? So it’s not necessary for a closed adoption? In this world of make-believe, I’m guessing it isn’t. I’m sure the child will never wonder who they look like, what their mother looks like, if their mother ever held them. If anything, the article should have said ‘especially if you’re having a closed adoption’ so in the future your child will have those precious photos. But it isn’t a child-centric article, it’s wholly about people who want to adopt this baby at a later date but want to pretend it’s already a done deal and they are the only parents.
Under the heading Legal Aspects my thoughts below
Know your legal rights and obligations before you get to the hospital. Notify the hospital where the birth mother will deliver as soon as you receive that information. The doctors and nurses need to know that the birth mother has relinquished her parental rights to you, according to “Adoptive Families” magazine. Ask the hospital for a copy of their adoption policies, too. When you arrive at the hospital, ask for identification bracelets that match your baby’s.
You have no legal rights or obligations. You are just a bystander.
Who gave you the right to tell the hospital about an expectant mother’s personal information or choices? Did you suddenly become her guardian because of mental incompetency? Because that would be the only time I could see someone having the right over another adult to tell their private details to the hospital. It takes a whole lot of gumption to assume you have the right to call up the hospital and tell them about someone else’s private business.
And tell me, just when did the expectant mother relinquish her parental rights to her unborn child? It is only legal to give pre-birth consent in three states and they all have a revocation period after birth. All other states it happens post birth. You have no parental rights – so why would you tell them you do?
Sure, you can ask for the hospital’s adoption policies, I guess, whether they give them to you is on them.
You don’t have the right to ask the hospital for identification bracelets that match your baby’s, unless you are giving birth to that baby, which you aren’t, or you wouldn’t be trying to adopt her baby. The mother of the baby can ask for identification bracelets for you, she has that right, you don’t.
And just to clarify, hospitals don’t make laws, they have policies and rules designed to make sure the health and safety of their patients that also comply with any rules and regulations the state has put in place.
Under Additional Considerations
Ask for your baby’s birth certificate before you leave the hospital. The birth mother is almost always required to provide the information that will be on the birth certificate, so check it for accuracy before accepting your copy.
How would you know if her personal information is correct? Do you even have this right? I don’t think you have the right to fix anything on the original birth certificate of a child who wasn’t born to you.