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Old post, new day…

27 Jan

I wrote this five years ago.  I know this may not be the narrative of all, it is for some, perhaps many.  The price they paid is too high.

They came for our mothers…

They came for our mothers, targeted, one by one.

Society was their army, always present, always willing to condemn.

Words of shame, and threats of what will the neighbors think were the only weapons needed then.

Our families, sent our mothers away to protect the family name from public shame.

Stories fabricated why their daughters were away, all done, to protect their precious family name.

Our mothers went to maternity homes, or distant relatives, far, far away.

They told our mothers were how unworthy, shameless, and immoral they truly were.

Told adoption was their only salvation, and if they truly loved us, they would give us away.

That babies deserved a mother and a father, not a poor, unwed, shameful mother.

They drugged and strapped our mothers down when their labor time was near.

They posted signs warning others – stay away, stay away, B.F.A…don’t you dare come near.

Many not allowed to hold us, some not told whether they’d had a boy or girl, and even some, that we had died.

Mothers told to go back home and carry on and hold your head up high.

Never speak of it, keep it secret, find a man, get married and have another.

And today, society still denies the damage caused our mothers during the time now called The Baby Scoop Era.

I was born one winter day, taken to the nursery, cared for, yet unloved, and never named.

No one there to celebrate my birth, and on day four, I too became a ward, yet another Baby For Adoption, one of millions, nothing special, nothing more.

Two months later I became someone new, named, a new mother, father too, and a brand new ABC – falsified to hide my illegitimate shame.

Yet that day, I also lost my mother, my father, my family too, long before I could give voice to my feelings and desires.

That day I also lost my right to know who I was the day I was born, or get my OBC when I was older – at least, that is, until the day the court deemed, I too had good cause to know my history,

Still the victory is hollow, the price is far too high, and yet, still others have gone, and others will go to their graves, still denied.

As babies we were so valuable, bargained for, advertised for, coveted, prayed for, sometimes paid for…

Told we were special, chosen, loved, lucky, cherished, theirs forever more!

That our mothers loved us so much that they willing gave us away to have two parents, not just the one mother we most desired.

Now as adults we are told our rights don’t matter – that our mothers are afraid and live in secret fear – that their shameful past will be uncovered.

That we will “out them”, and “cause harm beyond repair”, and just to add more guilt and fear upon us – that we will hurt our other parents too!

That our mothers will not want to know us, or know we are alive, okay, or even that we may live right next door…

So, I ask society and the adoption industry too – which story you tell is true, that our mothers loved so much we were willing given away…

Or that they don’t love us, and we make them so afraid, that one day we will come knocking, and that we might even want to know them too!

I was always told you cannot have it both ways, so, from that, I can only conclude – the adoption industry lies and I want to know which story is really true…

And now I see the signs that they are coming for unwed mothers once again, and in my heart I know it’s their healthy white babies which are the long sought-after prize…

Did they not learn from history that what they did was wrong, that the pain they caused never ever truly ends?

But to some, it seems, there is no price too high when babies are the goal, do they really have no shame to even consider bringing back the infamous Baby Scoop Era – yet again?

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7 Comments

Posted by on January 27, 2017 in Adoption

 

Tags: , , ,

7 responses to “Old post, new day…

  1. beth62

    January 28, 2017 at 3:30 pm

    Thanks for sharing this post TAO, it hits home for me.

    “So, I ask society and the adoption industry too – which story you tell is true, that our mothers loved so much we were willing given away…

    Or that they don’t love us, and we make them so afraid, that one day we will come knocking, and that we might even want to know them too!”

    I reject both of those stories.
    Just a smoke screen to keep us busy and too confused to see the truth.

    The truth for me is – Society took my mother from me the second I was born and legally banned me from even knowing who she is, for life.

    I spent my life trying to find my mother (and entire family). One of the main reasons was so I could tell my mother that I reject both of those stories fed to us, that I know the truth. I know what they did to us was wrong, just wrong.

    I wanted her to know that. I wanted her to know that I am so sorry for what “they” did to her, to us.
    I needed her to know that.

    It wasn’t right then what was done to millions of our mothers, and it’s not right now.
    55 years later, still not right and never will be.

    Liked by 2 people

     
  2. Cindy

    January 28, 2017 at 11:47 pm

    Tao and beth62 you made me cry. You gave this mother’s heart a healing hug.

    Beth62, someday your mother will know, i fully believe that. Hold onto that. I know now would be …better for you.

    Tao so true, a price far too high. Powerful post. Someday I hope it will not be… relevant.

    Like

     
    • TAO

      January 29, 2017 at 12:12 am

      Thanks Cindy – me too.

      Like

       
  3. beth62

    January 29, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    (((Cindy))) My Momma knows how I feel about it now 🙂
    Due to tenacious luck, I finally got to tell her when I was 40.
    She was very “happy” to hear it. I had to say it many times for her to really be able to hear it LOL It’s so foggy out there sometimes for all of us, sometimes it takes a while for the fog to lift so we can see clearly. We can see clearly now.
    haha feels like a good time for a sunday crack of noon happy dance bout now 🙂

    Like

     
  4. V.W. Rich

    April 12, 2017 at 7:38 am

    Hello, TAO, your site came up in my search for “illegitimate babies” and during my initial skimming of it, I noticed the reference to the Baby Scoop Era, which from my understanding was a Canadian government cover-up of the many impregnated young girls from the returning soldiers of the second World War. They not only “scooped” up babies, but the pregnant girls also, putting them in a home and then appropriating the new born for adoption out of the country. Similar programs were run in the UK, Australia, and the United States after the war.
    The reason I have written to you is that I am one of those babies. I just found out about six months ago that I was an illegitimate baby born to a dual-citizen woman living in Vancouver, Canada. My alleged half-brother called me to inform me of his existence after his father confided in him of this family secret on his death bed 6 years ago. Supposedly, she was a college student who had an affair with a law student from Vancouver, and due to her dual citizenship, moved to California to give birth to me, and gave me up for adoption, yet lived less than 50 miles away for years.
    The two idiots that adopted me lasted only five years married, and with the help of a sociopath that mom married after the divorce, pretty well ruined my entire childhood and teenage years, ending in heroin addiction and prison.
    However, I beat drugs and prison, and would like to share my experiences through a blog that may become a help book in the future. My intent is to inform people that you can survive a constant barrage of curve balls that life throws at you and still be OK. Some of it can be quite humorous, although with tragic underpinnings. You can live after terrible trauma, even when it lasts longer that a week, and that you can come out the other side intact and unscarred. My question to you is do you think anyone would be interested? I don’t want to just bitch and complain about how bad I had it, looking for sympathy; I guess I’m looking for advice as how to couch my story. Would you think people would like it to be in a memoir format, or fictionalized?
    As you can see, I’m not sure how I want to approach it, or if WordPress is the proper venue for my endeavor, or if even anyone would be interested. I look forward to any response that you may have. Thanks again & Peace, V.W. Rich.

    Like

     
    • TAO

      April 12, 2017 at 6:13 pm

      VW – it’s easy and free to set up a blog on WordPress. It may take some time for people to find your blog, adding the appropriate tags, adoptee, adoption, etc on your post helps (you’ll see what I mean if you create a blog0. All our stories matter, the complexity of your story adds to the fabric of all adoptee stories. Give it a try, I find it helpful in teasing out my feelings. Good luck, if you start a blog come back and leave a link.

      Like

       
      • V.W. Rich

        April 12, 2017 at 7:35 pm

        Thanks for your response, I appreciate it. I will take your advice. Peace, VanWyck.

        Like

         

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