I love and hate the Christmas Holidays. Some years we decorate, some, I can’t be bothered to start pulling out all the boxes, sorting through and picking out what to display. This year, we decorated. I had to force myself from putting it off until it was too late, but I’m glad I pushed through and it’s done.
It looks good, the tree is up, the train and village set up, the mantle decorated with Christmas favorites, including my favorite decoration from when I was growing up that is still my favorite. Doing the decorating pulled me out of myself, and I’m now looking forward to the holidays.
Getting a few days of snow helped, drove away the dull days of constant rain. Christmas is a holiday for me that holds both good and bad memories, been that way for decades, and some years the bad takes away the joy the season offers.
I need the carols, I need the feelings music brings to my soul.
Going through mom’s stuff, I had a few things that I wanted to keep, yet if any of them came down to a conflict, the Christmas candle holders and an old tea caddy were the ones I’d fight for. There wasn’t any fight which was good, but it’s funny when I think about it because I doubt either is worth more than a couple of dollars, but both were priceless to me because of the memories each evoked. The story about the tea caddy is for another time, the Christmas candle holders is today.
Since I was little and my aunt brought us the Christmas candle holders as a memento from her latest trip, they’ve been part of Christmas. Five individual candle holders that are simple, small, made of wood, decorated with yarn and paint, designed to sit in front of your dinner table setting. There’s a dad, a mom, and three children. These very simple candle holders hold so many memories of Christmas Dinners over the years, probably about 50 dinners in total. The other Christmas table decorations came and went, these remained the constant theme, family. The small candles were lit just before each dinner, one for each of us. They’ve always represented joy. Those times are the memories I hold dear, even if I haven’t found the small red candles yet, there’s still time.
This is first year where it’s just my husband and I. Then the day my son passed comes shortly after Christmas. A day when the decorations are still front and center, the good and bad intersect, collide, bring you back to the reality that sometimes life is hard. We all have good and bad, joy and sorrow, we deal, persevere, continue.
Good and bad times, both woven into who you’ve become, what shaped you into who you are today. This year when the New Year comes, I want to be pulled into the future, keep the best of the past and look forward with joy. New year, new day, new era. I know I can do it. I want to do it. I’m ready now.
What’s happening with you this season? However you celebrate, whatever you celebrate, even if you don’t celebrate, but need a space to just be, consider this an open thread throughout the season. Do you have good memories wrapped up in something so simple, naïve, like I do with those five little candle holders? Share past memories, what you are doing now, plan for the New Year, whatever you want to talk about, come and post it here.