Search and reunion video presentation from an agency?

02 Nov

I saw the tweet below and had several different thoughts about Bethany holding a live video event about search and reunion. I’m always suspicious when an adoption agency wants to teach adoptees about search and reunion.  Always.

Perhaps things are changing and I need to give more grace. 

Historically, adoption agencies (general) haven’t been on the adoptee side about search and reunion, just the opposite in fact.  If they offer services to the adoptee, even for a brief summary of non-identifying information it costs insane amounts of money for them to just open their file, let alone see if they can offer current info.  They also sometimes required (still require?) the adoptee to be counselled first before being agreeing to act as a confidential intermediary (CI) making first contact.  The CI requirement opens up another discussion in itself, both from an adoptee rights perspective of adults being required to use a go between them and their mother, and everything else related to that.

But I’m getting off topic.

So, I followed the link to see if I could find who/what this live video was about, qualifications to have this conversation.  I got nothing.  No bio about who is presenting on the video.  Nothing about it at all.

But, what I did find looking for info was interesting and why I decided to write this post.  It gave me a glimmer of hope that reality is being seen that adoption, for the adoptee, can be incredibly challenging over time in different ways.  And, specifically, to not conflate spiritual and physical adoption as the same, that’s a huge step in the right direction.  Anyway, in the link below, scroll down to the Adoptee category.

United in Love: Celebrating and supporting those touched by adoption

It’s a start, now if I can just get past the words “touched by” which always makes me feel icky – understanding those words today, probably don’t mean what they meant years ago…always a work in progress…



Posted by on November 2, 2016 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , ,

7 responses to “Search and reunion video presentation from an agency?

  1. Lara/Trace

    November 2, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    Icky, yes. And I don’t want to guess how much they charge us for a search.


    • TAO

      November 2, 2016 at 6:06 pm

      Is it still icky today though – that I can’t answer, can you?
      As to cost, hundreds, each agency is unique but some are incredibly pricey and slow…

      Liked by 1 person

      • beth62

        November 3, 2016 at 1:16 pm

        icky for sure 🙂 I always think… I hope someone is checking into and keeping a watchful eye on Mr Adoption. Seems to me he sure does touch a lot of kids, and makes many mamas cry! But many seem to love him anyway.

        My husband likes to say, Ohhh yeah, she’s touched alright. 🙂

        A new and better phrase could be nice!

        The GenX in me says… Bout time they finally realized there is money to be made on reunion, that Adoptees can be Customers too. And look how that works, customers are usually right… and worthy of listening to!

        The kind me is a bit speechless and very, very happy to see this post!!! Never could have believed it would happen a decade or two ago. People can and do listen, amazing!


      • Lara/Trace

        November 3, 2016 at 3:10 pm

        Adoptees could be seen as a new market to exploit for money. We need to know who we are – and they will charge us for that privilege. One example is DNA tests. If we can’t open our adoption files, we resort to DNA tests. When I tested with my dad it was about $500. That was years ago. A court order for my adoption files in Wisconsin was $75 and a judge had to approve that I could have a copy. Each and every day, they find new ways to ” charge us” money.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Nara

    November 2, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    The bit under adoptees does seem okay, though… I mean, it’s not perfect but it is a start!


    • TAO

      November 2, 2016 at 9:38 pm

      Absolutely, one of the better ones I’ve read, why I decided to post that there is a more honest awareness of how complicated it can be throughout life for some…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. pj

    November 3, 2016 at 11:53 am

    I think it’s a positive! And “touched by” could have different meaning for diff people…I also like how they include adult adoptees, including those who didn’t go through Bethany.

    The org where I eventually had to contact the CEO to get my records has a vague w-site. You have to call, ask the right questions and and hope your directed to the appropriate manager. They do charge a fee and I also had to pay an adoption consultant (supposedly more qualified than me) to read me the story of me !



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