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Alone…

14 Oct

Interesting article in the Guardian talking about being alone, loneliness, the damage it does to your soul.  It made me think, it intrigued me, and one sentence in the last paragraph took me back, not just when I was little, but to many points throughout my life.

“Of all the fantasies human beings entertain, the idea that we can go it alone is the most absurd and perhaps the most dangerous.”

I’ve talked before about expecting people to leave, not if, but when.  I’ve also told myself I don’t need anyone, I’m a survivor.  My self-preservation survival mode.  I also know it is incorrect, while also knowing it is a fairly typical scenario, when you quit your job, your friends from work start to drift away, when you get sick, they are there in the beginning but over time, they too drift away, and I’ve let them, haven’t fought to keep up the relationship either.

I know myself pretty well by now and I do need people in my life, not many, but a few solid have your back relationships are mandatory for my well-being.  Nevertheless, I still do not expect people to stay, that’s the first lesson I learned in life, and few have proven me wrong.

Neoliberalism is creating loneliness. That’s what’s wrenching society apart

What do you think of the article?

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7 Comments

Posted by on October 14, 2016 in Adoption

 

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7 responses to “Alone…

  1. Kaisa

    October 15, 2016 at 5:12 am

    i don’t know what the term ne0-liberalism means in the British context. I assume: “everywhere we are told that we will prosper through competitive self-interest and extreme individualism,” is the description? I find the article difficult to read in that it is kind of all over the place. it could be my shortcoming as a reader – i don’t tend to read a lot of opinion or persuasive pieces.

    i can tell you that i do believe a lot of horrors result from fear of being alone – i believe that is where a lot of the current mob mentality in the USA (where i am) is rooted. i do think flipping the scirpt is the best way for me to combat it personally. what tactics do you use to keep yourself from being too lonely, too isolated? it does seem that a strategy is needed but i only have tactics.

    i have spent a great deal of time and effort in working on my relationships – it is virtually a full time job for me and there are many health hazards but i consider the ultimate goal important enough to stay focused on it. i cannot go it alone. i don’t want my husband to go it alone either, so i work on relationships with his family, and on his relationships with others too (otherwise he is a loner type of person.)

    but as far as the article goes, interesting food for thought. thanks for sharing it.

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    • TAO

      October 16, 2016 at 6:30 pm

      You’re probably right in the definition – I kind of gloss over terms…

      Good point on what seems to be reality right now, the mob mentality. It’s scary.

      How do I combat being alone? It’s hard because I’m naturally reserved, introverted in many ways. Always good with having a few solid friends instead of many friends – and I still have that to a degree. I’m very limited physically in what I can do, so my primary way of maintaining friends is through on-line chit chat with a few visits throughout the year. Without the internet though, they’d have slipped away too. I have my blog, I read a lot. I’m in social groups online. It’s enough for me. My husband is similar in being introverted, but he also thrives in being alone, so I don’t worry about him as he has a huge family that will get him through anything.

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  2. Nara

    October 15, 2016 at 3:33 pm

    I’m inclined to agree with him, but then I do appreciate time alone. I think I can enjoy it when I am in a position where I don’t have to be alone indefinitely. One of the worst periods of my life was when my long term relationship split up and I moved to an apartment by myself. Whilst I valued my time alone and my own little cosy apartment, I was super lonely and I would just be waiting for the time I could connect to other people. I definitely prefer being in a family unit (even if that’s just two in a couple, or a human/dog), but that’s just me – I know some people who seem to cope fine on their own. I am definitely a social animal.

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    • TAO

      October 17, 2016 at 9:46 pm

      Nara – no idea why your comment went to spam, so sorry did not see it till now.

      I too was lonely after my first marriage ended. I worked incredibly long hours but hated going home, and it wasn’t like I was unused to being alone, it was the lack of mate that made me lonely. So family unit for sure…

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  3. emmamacgentlifeadopted

    October 16, 2016 at 11:37 am

    As Kaia’s also describes, I continue to work on relationships and being alone. I just posted a blog post with a similar related theme. I would appreciate your feedback on it. It recently came to my attention how I might be interchanging being adopted as ‘different’ and being ‘not good enough’.
    It is faulty thinking. To me being alone and difficulties with relationships is also tied to feeling that you are ‘not good enough’.
    EmmaMacgentLifeAdopted.com

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