Recently, I became interested to know why people who use donor eggs or sperm don’t want their children to ever know, so I started searching for the reasons, and started listening to the why’s, the fears, the antics used to make sure their child will never know. I must confess not one excuse/reason was valid to me. The lengths they go to cover it up shocks me more. And it seems to boil down to fear they won’t be seen as real more than any other reason.
It is also still happening in the adoption world as well as the donor world, sad but true. People are still choosing not to tell their child their truth.
Despite the medical risk of not telling, rather pretending your child has your genes, your families propensity to certain diseases, your fear is keeping you silent.
Both groups of parents seem to not realize that there is no anonymity anymore – DNA does not lie.
At some point the likelihood that in the future your child will find out anyway is growing more and more by day. It doesn’t have to be your child who decides to test their DNA for the truth to come out. They could be asked to test to confirm someone else belongs in their family tree. Their children could choose to test and find out the truth. They could receive a DNA test for a present and do it on a whim.
And that’s all it takes for the lies to begin to unravel, and the fall-out that comes after.
This link is a short post about what happened to Bill Giffeth after the e-book version of his book “The stranger in my genes” was released August 23rd. For those who don’t want to tell your child – do you want what happened to Tom in the post, to happen to your child?