The push and pull – again

21 Jul

Oklahoma City teen blows away audience, wins over Internet with America’s Got Talent performance

Listen to, not just the song, but the complicated and contradictory feelings in his words of living life adopted…listen only to his feelings, both spoken and given voice by the song he chose.  Not anything else, this is about him, only him.


Posted by on July 21, 2016 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , ,

13 responses to “The push and pull – again

  1. Tara-Anita

    July 21, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    OMG…so emotional….got me crying at work….he just changed those lyrics for me….I could feel those feelings he is feeling but…….logically my mother (who I haven’t met) is a stranger)

    I felt that way when I met my (biological) sister I felt like I could talk to her and tell her everything but she was still a stranger…..

    Caught in limbo…….Adoptive family who I grew up with but know not really apart of…my biological family are strangers…

    In limbo….constantly…everyday waking up with that heaviness/emptiness/longing…..frustration…..How do you handle it?


    • TAO

      July 21, 2016 at 8:39 pm

      I’m old, made my peace, lots of why’s, tears, frustration and now acceptance…hugs…he affected a lot of people last night…you couldn’t miss it…


  2. beth62

    July 22, 2016 at 1:54 pm

    I confess, I had to look up the word dichotomy. All I could remember about it was the constant forking of a plant/tree. Good word 🙂
    And I do constantly fork.

    And I did many things in life while hoping my mother would be proud of me, too. Many times it was my most powerful motivation. Often I had the thought that if I had a good guess that she would be proud, I’d be good, because everyone else likely would be too. Same with my father.

    On the other fork, those things I knew no one would be proud of were just as emotional, if not more.
    The opposite of spectacular and something to be proud of, can be very heavy, even deadly in this extreme.

    My Momma is proud of me. She tells me often. It makes me so happy, it breaks my heart.

    I wonder if all of this could be a root of some of my people pleasing sometimes.

    Thanks TAO, glad I didn’t miss seeing this beautiful young man 🙂
    This push/pull concept is bigger than some people realize I think. It is a root in it all, and a big one, if not the main one.


    • TAO

      July 22, 2016 at 2:28 pm

      Thanks Beth – and I looked it up too – always do to make sure (hopefully) that I’m using the right term…agree with the root of it all…

      He has an amazing voice and the ability to be able to show his emotions – that’s a gift (and curse) I don’t have.


      • beth62

        July 24, 2016 at 3:58 pm

        We may not show it on the outside, but I certainly felt like that on the inside… and managed to sing anyway too. I imagine his shown emotions are just the tip of the mountain of what’s hidden inside.

        The answer to that type of emotion shown was typically – but you got adopted right? so now all is well. I even had a new primary doctor say that to me last month when I was trying to explain extreme reunion emotions/stress that I had dealt with during and some still.. But you got adopted right…. poof, dismissed.

        I thought of an example sort of… When we had our first baby, my husband was very upset that his Dad wasn’t there to see her. He died 2 years before. So was I. Understandably his Mom was very emotional as well that he’d missed his first grandkid. Then when we had a son, hubby was really sad about it.

        I was just as upset. My upset wasnt taken very seriously like theirs. I remember trying to explain it then, I couldn’t make my point well enough. Maybe I was even more emotional than them about it, but I’d had decades to experience this emotion, they only had a couple years of practice.. Maybe even more upset, sad, angry, frustrated with the real possibility that one day I might be able to show my Mother her grandchildren, and my children their grandparents. That pushed me more than anything in my search to make/let/allow my Momma to be proud of me and mine.

        That shit hurts deep, very deep. And that’s where I typically kept it, very deep.


    • Tara-Anita

      July 22, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      Hi Beth, Your comment “I wonder if all of this could be a root of some of my people pleasing sometimes”…..I’ve read somewhere that there are types of extremes….the ‘compliant’ adoptee and the ‘rebel’ adoptee. Each one reacts to the innate affects of adoption in a different way. I think I’m the compliant one…not wanting to dissappoint and seeking approval. My brother the ‘rebel’ always ‘acting out’. My reaction of being the ‘compliant’ one has always hindered my life. Since I’ve came across that info I’ve tried to analyze myself when making decisions…so I’m making better decisions for me…but it’s a constant internal conflict.


      • beth62

        July 24, 2016 at 4:04 pm

        I’m afraid I am a compliant rebel LOL I can’t deny either extreme. Depends on the moment I guess. Both have helped and hindered my life. It’s maddening trying to pick black or white, hell, I can’t even pick which gray I am! Everchanging.


  3. Tiffany

    July 22, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    I have so many thoughts on this…. first is that this is my song for my adopted daughter, so it was emotional to hear this from an adoptee’s viewpoint towards his mother. It was so incredibly beautiful.

    I didn’t like how his dads shared that his mom had three other kids and wanted a better life for Campbell. As an adoptive mom, I am pretty fiercely protective of my daughter’s parents’ privacy and the fact that I cannot and do not know their full reasons and story, even though I know them. I do not share it, especially publicly. It feels really inappropriate to me, but that’s just me. I know many APs don’t feel that way. It just gets my defenses up when people talk like that, I guess.

    When Mel says, “Have you actually ever met your birth mother?” It really bothered me. Never did Campbell ever refer to his mother as any other way than mother, and neither did his adoptive parents, actually. I felt it was very dismissive of how he views his own relationship, and so typical of people to not allow an adoptee to use their own words to define the relationship. Afterwards, she did simply say, “I bet your mother is listening to you…”, so I guess there is that. Maybe it was merely editing, and he hadn’t spoken yet when she used the term, then she corrected herself after hearing him.

    I did love and appreciate how supportive his dads are towards his feelings and emotions regarding his mom and him being so public with his obvious love and longing for her. They don’t seem to see it as a reason to be insecure in his love for them, which some APs can have. Hopefully it will show other PAPs and APs that there is no reason to be so sensitive to an adoptee wanting to connect with their original family. I sincerely hope he can know his mom someday. He seems like a beautiful young man with an amazing heart.


    • TAO

      July 22, 2016 at 11:43 pm

      I cringed in the same places Tiffany. I also wonder if the dynamics of having two dads makes it easier for mom to just be mom…about the “birthmother” thing – this would have been the second time he performed so she changed his term…and then, perhaps his emotions made her realize that she’s not just a birthmom, she’s his mom even though they’ve never met. I hope he one day gets to start creating a relationship with her and his siblings…it’s all just so complicated – the push and pull at work – being split/stretched in opposite directions. Thanks for talking.


      • beth62

        July 24, 2016 at 3:28 pm

        I cringed too. So used to that kind of talk/response, it’s hard to be shocked, or get too upset, it’s just how it goes so often. I seem to expect it. How sad is that.


  4. Lara/Trace

    July 23, 2016 at 4:15 pm

    Once I stop crying, I might be able to think/type/write

    Liked by 1 person

  5. beth62

    July 27, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    It upsets me greatly that no one mentioned searching for his mother, nor asked about a search, or his wants or opinion about it, as far as I have been able to find out anyway.
    I know good and well that one of his goals in even mentioning his mother was hopefully that she might see him, find him, contact him, be proud of him.
    This was just 14 years ago, we were told she was older and already had children. A supposed mature and needed choice of adoption. Why is it that his Dad’s haven’t, or didn’t mention, trying to find her identity, contact agency, no mention of any “open” arrangements or pictures sent, or even… in 4 years when he is 18 he can…. or why her identity is secret to him/them? arrgg. No copy of original BC like so many claim to have gotten? No mention of any search, that I can find. No mention of sealed records? I don’t get why that is okay, accepted by most. Is it not obvious to everyone that this young man is extremely interested in knowing his mother? Do people still just assume he doesn’t deserve to know because he was adopted? Wouldn’t be fair to his parents? I just don’t get it. I really don’t.
    Like they are saying, oh, she’ll be proud, just know that and keep singing – you really don’t need to hear it from her do you? Maybe one day you might. Of course she is proud, keep singing.


    • Tara-Anita Brown

      July 30, 2016 at 6:11 pm

      I totally agree with you.



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