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Brought me home…

21 Feb

I’ve been pretty random on the blog lately, life is throwing curve balls and I’m struggling to just keep up some semblance of a normal routine, to make sure I have the energy to get the important things done.  Over the next while, I may also vent a bit more as a way to blow of steam…this post isn’t that, just me rambling…

The other day, an old friend of mom’s came to see her, she introduced herself to me and we chatted for a few minutes.   While chatting, she wondered if she’d ever met me, I didn’t remember meeting her, but I knew who she was from stories told over the years.  Anyways, after a bit, I told her she probably hadn’t met me after mom and dad brought me home.

Those words, ‘brought me home’, I’ve uttered more times than I can count without thinking, have stayed in my mind since.  What keeps popping up is that I don’t remember using ‘after I was born’ in similar conversations, it’s always a version similar to ‘brought me home’.  This morning, another adoptee used that phrase too.  And, now, I’m wondering how many other adoptees use that phrase, consciously (or unconsciously) instead of saying ‘after I was born’.

If, other adoptees use something similar instead of when or after I was born, or before I was born, could that be linked to the discomfort with the ‘Gotcha’ day celebration thing, not just the obvious ick factor of using that specific term, an unconscious push-back of the erasure of anything before as not important enough to be part of the narrative.

The other thought, will it be different for some adoptees today growing up – or will it still, somehow, be centered around adoption, instead of just being born.

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10 Comments

Posted by on February 21, 2016 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

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10 responses to “Brought me home…

  1. iwishiwasadopted

    February 21, 2016 at 5:04 pm

    My adoptive mother always said, “when we got you”. Never when you were born. My birth was never discussed.

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  2. Nara

    February 21, 2016 at 5:26 pm

    Mine was the same. We just used “when we got you” and if I’m referring to it, I’d say “when they got me”, I think. I don’t really talk about being born. That said, I really hate the term Gotcha Day. I think my parents referred to picking up day, but it wasn’t a special day other than occasionally being mentioned.

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  3. anenomekym

    February 22, 2016 at 1:04 am

    I never talk about myself in reference to my birth. I’m not convinced I was ever born. I don’t know when it was and no one I know witnessed it. Perhaps I was there, maybe it was an out of body experience. My adoption wasn’t around my birth either. Like many, I’ve been told that my birthday isn’t the day I was born. Who knows what’s true with all the smoke and mirrors.

    I’m credentialed in molecular biology, genetics, and cellular development though. So I know where babies come from and the stages they go through from sperm/egg fusing into one, then dividing exponentially to form the different parts of a person, and voilà!

    But no evidence that I went through any development stages before I came to my new country or when they got me. I think I even came potty trained and able to feed myself, though who knows how that happened either. In essence, I skipped birth. It happens, just didn’t happen to me. But don’t tell me I was born in someone’s heart – biologically IMPOSSIBLE, I’ll tell you what the heart does to correct their utter ignorance.

    I think the powers that be will pull whatever they can to create “blank slates” on as many as possible (of the poor and marginalized) and erase people’s true births, identities, roots. It’s control, power, greed. Take from the weak and give to the strong seems to be today’s mantra, sadly.

    Sorry to be such a drag. Take care of yourself, TAO.

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  4. iwishiwasadopted

    February 22, 2016 at 1:21 am

    I used to think I might be an alien, or created in a lab and not born at all, but then I found my family.

    I was born, I was real, just like everyone else. But, I still don’t feel that I belong anywhere.

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  5. Beth62

    February 24, 2016 at 3:59 am

    My little brothers (aparent’s originals) and I spent many hours discussing how I could have come to be. Alien, hatched from egg, stork messed up, found under rock, cabbage patch, basket, with the wolves… The older we got the more extreme the guesses. We didn’t have what kids have today…clones, test tubes, dumpster… Oh wait we did have garbage pail kids. It could have been even more brutal! Man, kids these days just have it too easy.
    No worries for me, I always had the last line “At least I didn’t come from there!” while pointing at mom. Back then that was far more strange and icky than being hatched could ever be.

    Still today, even with a DNA test and pictures…. the verdict is still out about me.

    The only birth info I got was from the instruction book,
    a man and a lady had a baby… Baby is like these puppies or chick’s in the cute pictures. You know, simple, dogs have puppies, chickens have chick’s, humans have aliens, er um babies.

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  6. Beth62

    February 24, 2016 at 5:08 am

    I don’t remember hearing when we brought you home. It was, when we Adopted you, when we got you or when we met you. I guess I usually said when they got me or when they Adopted me, with Adopted meaning the whole process involving them.
    Hell, I didn’t even notice I’d been somewhere out there with who knows who for three months until I was in my thirties. That was a swift kick. And it is still disturbing. Along with any other time after that when I was knocked out or can’t remember what people were doing to me, like the dentist or doc.
    The sedation stuff really freaks me out, when you can talk and respond but won’t remember a thing.

    Anenomekym, I have a hard time with an unknown 3 months, even more than that must be very disturbing. To be that much older and doing so many things. I don’t know how to help it, how to forget about it, not think about it. I get too many reminders, it’s just terrifying to me when I have to think about it.

    A thing I turned around – I’ve always said i was taken at birth, or they took me from my mother at birth. Then one magical day I heard it from the horse’s mouth, I was born, and was taken immediately from the room, I began to cry in the doorway, she never saw me, was screaming to see me, then they sedated her.
    Was talking to a doc about why I had doctor phobia so bad.
    And I do, and I don’t trust them for shit and often have no problem telling them that. I shocked myself when out from my mouth came, “The first doctor I ran into took my mother from ME before I could take my first breath on this planet. Do you still have a problem with my phobia now doctorman?”
    I don’t think I had said it that way before. Was always taking baby from mother, not so much taking mother from baby.
    Arg, my brainwashing was strong, so aggravating.

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    • anenomekym

      February 26, 2016 at 4:09 am

      Beth62, yeah, it’s quite frustrating when I think about it (more than I’d like) – I could rant forever. Based on my health, I don’t think I was experimented on before I was adopted, but given how some children in children’s homes were, it can be a terrifying thought.

      And good for you for telling it straight to doctorman.

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    • lesliegriffith

      March 8, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      WOW. Now THERE’s some food for thought. Love your thoughts about doctorphobia [and trust intertwined]. I need to spend some more time thinking about the missing three months, too, I think.

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  7. Tara-Anita

    June 8, 2016 at 8:33 pm

    It was always “when we got you” or “when we bought you home”. It makes me cringe every time especially when in the same sentence they’ve talked about my older brothers being born stories.

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    • TAO

      June 8, 2016 at 9:44 pm

      Oh, I’m so sorry Tara-Anita. Welcome.

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