13 Jan

Why can’t an adoptee just be…

Why must they either love or hate being adopted…

Why must there always be that question…waiting to be asked…

Do non-adopted get asked inane questions like that…

Questions that are unanswerable when you stop and think about what you are asking…

So, why can’t an adoptee just be…


Posted by on January 13, 2016 in Adoption


Tags: ,

13 responses to “Thoughts…

  1. eagoodlife

    January 13, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    I was once asked by an adopter if I would rather have been raised by my mother or my adopters!! My answer was, as always, “Neither”.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. calcandide

    January 13, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    Although I’m not adopted, as an identical twin I get asked all kinds of ridiculous questions that are probably really similar in nature (if not substance), such as “do you like being a twin?”, “which of you is better at (insert something here)?”, “were you the smart/good one growing up?”, “If I hit you will she feel it?”, “Can you read her mind?”, “Can you tell yourselves apart?”, and so on. As I get older, it definitely gets easier, but I wish people would just realize I’m just a person, like everyone else.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TAO

      January 13, 2016 at 10:49 pm

      🙂 would imagine it could drive you batty…thanks for commenting…


  3. Nara

    January 15, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    I agree… But equally I feel that adoptees sometimes force you to “pick a side”. At least on some of the more vicious forums I’ve been on… I feel like I’m sometimes forced into being an adoption apologist or something like that, because I don’t feel irreparably harmed by adoption.

    It shouldn’t be binary and simplistic but I do think people occasionally use “those” labels to contextualise the comments.

    Of course it is very irritating to be infantilised and probed as adopted people are used to! I’d never dream of asking anyone some of the intrusive questions I get asked…


    • TAO

      January 15, 2016 at 11:11 pm

      I’m going to start using Von’s answer: Neither…

      Nothing in life is that simple.


      • Beth62

        January 26, 2016 at 3:47 pm

        For me I think it’s Neither or Both, but certainly not Either.
        Not a simple question, or answer, by any measure.


  4. L4R

    January 16, 2016 at 4:31 am

    I don’t necessarily think the questions are unanswerable. It’s just that they cannot be answered in a sound bite, and they are usually on a continuum. Plus, many of our answers would change as we journey through life. My answers to some questions would be so long that I would need a book-length response.


    • TAO

      January 16, 2016 at 4:55 am

      You’re welcome to write them and post them here as a blog post (hint) if you ever feel so inclined…:) you have a better way with words than I do, you find the nuances, I find the hammer…


      • L4R

        January 16, 2016 at 2:00 pm

        Thank you, Tao. But, you rarely use a hammer. You write in a way that allows everyone involved in adoption the chance to drop the defensiveness and listen (and maybe absorb) what you have said.
        That’s hard to do, and you do it well.


  5. Beth62

    January 26, 2016 at 3:40 pm

    “So, why can’t an adoptee just be…”

    Ahhh but they can, you can, we can, I can just be.
    Because I am.
    It’s only an illusion that we can’t
    Defiance of an illusion is a wonderful thing 🙂
    I attempt to answer unanswerable questions with unquestionable answers.
    Sometimes I even manage to do it LOL


    • cb

      January 27, 2016 at 9:59 pm

      Lol. Love you Beth.

      For some reason, your answer reminded me of Alice in Wonderland, in particular this quote:

      ““If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?”

      and sometimes as an adoptee, I think these quotes are rather apt:
      “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.”

      ““Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

      “‘I could tell you my adventures–beginning from this morning,’ said Alice a little timidly: ‘but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.’”

      “but I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
      “Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
      “How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
      “You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”


      • beth62

        January 31, 2016 at 4:39 pm

        Ha! The day you posted this was Lewis Carroll / Charles Dodgson’s birthday 🙂
        He would have been 184 years old.

        Wonder if he would think the Internet is sort of like Wonderland now, like I do LOL


  6. cb

    January 27, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    I’ve decided to start using the “alternate universe” defence. I’ve decided to say that I don’t know whether my life would have been better or worse with my bfamily so I can’t really comment on it, it is a shame that there aren’t alternate universes so we can live both lives and go back and forth between each one if we want to.



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