Something Adopto-Snark wrote keeps popping back into my head, so, I figured I share with you, let me know if the same happens to you. I think it’s something that many say all the time, but should we?
As you can tell by the blog name, it’s snark, adoption snark to be specific, no punches pulled.
[.from this post here.] It is written by an adoptee so fawning and so Good she even starts with “I’ve always known I was adopted,” as if not having one’s parents lie to one about one’s identity all one’s life is evidence of having The Best APs Ever. Having experienced basic human decency (and a thing experts have been telling APs to do for at least fifty years now) is a low bar, but a Good Adoptee makes sure to congratulate his/her parents for clearing it.
She’s right, telling is a very low bar and has nothing whatsoever to do with how good of parents they are. All it means is they decided not to lie to their children, it speaks to one character trait they have. It takes a whole lot more to be a good parent other than not lying to your children about being adopted.
Yet, many of us (myself included) have used this to prove to others that our parents were good parents. Why would this prove that? Are we conditioned to say that because the myth of secrecy and not telling during the bad old days (pre 1990) is still pervasive today? Is that myth still pervasive because it allows adoptive parents to believe that, if only, our parents had been more aware, we wouldn’t be saying things need changing in how adoption is practiced and the laws that need revamped?
What say you?