Update to the last post combined with a suggestion

24 Nov

I read articles and posts by both adoptive parents and birth parents about how the media doesn’t understand how adoption works.  There is a reason why that happens, and it starts with you.  Your words educate them when you write posts, comment on articles, give interviews to the press.  Understand how your words are part of the reason you end up upset about how the media gets adoption wrong.

Start being factual from the beginning and then you won’t read headlines and opening statements like this…

Adopted Logan infant returned to biological mother the first paragraph states: “A father fighting for the custody of his recently adopted infant daughter received mixed news Monday, as the child’s adoptive parents gave up custody — but did so by giving the child to her biological mother, who reportedly has signed documents surrendering her parental rights.”

Baby involved in Utah Adoption Dispute returned to biological mother the first line states “The adoptive parents of a newborn child…”

The prospective adoptive parents having temporary custody of the baby after the relinquishment papers are signed, does not equal the adoption has happened, or will happen.  Until the judge signs the adoption order and any time requirements the state may have written into the statutes has lapsed –  the baby is not adopted, they are not adoptive parents, they just have custody of the baby with the intent to adopt.

Be exact, perhaps then, the media will be correct too.



Posted by on November 24, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , , , ,

7 responses to “Update to the last post combined with a suggestion

  1. pj

    November 26, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    Good point, Tao ! Wanted to comment as a former writer for local news-story headlines are often created by editors not involved with the story. Ever read a Huff Post headline and get drawn in only to realize the story is not what you thought ?? The responsibility to educate lies with us all. If you see a story with inaccurate info -contact the writer. Last year local paper ran a story that described infant adoptees as “blank slates”. This year much of the same unicorn and rainbows.The writer will not always respond or if they do, will not be able to see through the fairy dust. But keep trying. The third writer I contacted has a birth mom sis and a nephew she’s never she gets it !
    Giving thanks today for adoptee support and this blog 🙂


    • TAO

      November 26, 2015 at 5:39 pm

      Thanks PJ – wishing you a great day!


  2. beth62

    November 27, 2015 at 2:59 pm

    It’s so commonplace to use the word ‘adoption’ in all sorts of ways when the word is not needed and even when it’s just not correct. It’s a powerful term. It connotes happy, love, warm, safe, unicorns, rainbows, fairy dust, all is well in the land of adoption. No matter how or why it materialized.

    I’ve spent years trying to find the words to explain why I was removed from my mother and family at my first breath on this planet – without using the word adoption at all. I attempt not to say it at all when questions come to me about my original family or reunion. It’s not easy. I used to just say, oh, I was adopted. I tried- I was taken for adoption… people got mad at me, the angry ungrateful one. I explained the removal and did not mention the next step. They ask- but you were adopted right? Oh wonderful! People want you to say it, then everything can be ok. People love the Chicken Soup meant to be happy “ending” that the word adoption can bring.

    Many want my story to be different than many of the scenes you see in movies, books etc. Like The Color Purple, The Book of Negros, and so so many other stories of mothers with no power at all that had their babies taken from them.

    My story is no different. It’s more modern, there were maternity homes, hospitals and doctors, but my story of removal is no different at all. The loss of mother and family is no different.
    The word Adoption magically makes it different, and beautiful to most.

    Can you imagine saying to any of the adult removed children in these movies, who got caring people of means to raise them… oh that’s wonderful, you are so lucky, oh you must be so thankful, I hope it happens for many more so they can be as happy as you?

    I too think it is very important to call people out on their use of the term Adoption when it is incorrect. As well as many other confused beliefs that people find in it and around it.

    I too am very thankful, yesterday and everyday! for deep thinking adoptee support and this nurturing safe place/blog 🙂 and all those who come here to dig deep and share. ♡


  3. onewomanschoice

    December 1, 2015 at 8:20 pm

    That’s very true Tao. Here are my thoughts…

    Actually, in most cases, (I am referring to birthing a baby) the parent relinquishes their parental rights to the Adoption Agency (or maybe a lawyer if used). In my case, it was the adoption agency. Which sounds obsurd when we think about it but that is how the system works. So they (the adoptoin agency) now own their investment. Sounds shitty but sometimes we need to be direct and truthful so our future generation understands how the system works. Then the adults seeking to adopt are given legal guardianship rights. Which may be revoked by the state or the agency at anytime before the adoption is finalized if there is reason to revoke for the safety of the child. After the “wait period”, (depending on the state), the legal guardians may be given authorization to adopt and may choose to proceed with the adoption. Then we can use birth/biological parents, adoptive parents, and adoptee.


    • TAO

      December 2, 2015 at 3:30 pm

      You are correct and it has to be that way because ultimately the state is the parent of a child with no legal guardian – so the licensed by the state agency to make sure the child is taken care of has to exist or the baby would have to go into foster care.

      It just annoys me when I hear someone say they adopted at birth – no, you didn’t – that isn’t how it works, you are only in the process of adopting a specific child at that point.


      • onewomanschoice

        December 2, 2015 at 8:59 pm

        You’re right Tao. Words matter. And as you stated, we are all responsible for understanding our language and using the proper terms at the appropriate time. It starts with us (the adoption triad people). I will do my best to be conscious of this in the future. Thanks for helping us and leading the way to better understanding for this generation and for those to come.



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