Happy Adoption Month, you just lost your child you wanted to parent – isn’t adoption beautiful?

21 Nov

Adoption can be hard and ugly for fathers and their families who want nothing to do with domestic infant adoption.  Those fathers and their families are struggling with the loss of a family member to adoption, an adoption that is not wanted, desired, or needed.  The same fathers who face expensive up-hill legal battles to parent their own child in a system that can take years for any resolution.

Read the current nightmare news story here and the go-fund-me account set up to fight in court for the right to parent his child can be found here.

This has to change….

Laws have to change from demanding a father do XYZ (that he knows nothing about), all within a specific narrow time frame and any deviation means you lose your child.  The laws need to consider the best interests of the child – not the best interests of securing a child for adoptive parents.  Lets also not forget that the father and child have an entire family, his parents lose their grandchild and the loss reverberates throughout the entire family, every member loses one of their family.   That’s not adoption is beautiful, love, or meant to be, that is the ugly side of adoption no one wants to talk about.

The ugly side of adoption that should not exist, but does, and always has existed.  It’s the side you never hear about in any of those ultra-sucky “birthmothers are selfless” meme’s, and no one seems to give a damn that fathers don’t exist in adoption.  Fathers are faceless, nameless, trashed and seen as a threat to a “successful adoption” so let’s all pretend that adopted babies only have a “selfless birthmother”.  And while we are at it, lets also pretend that every single adoption happens because that baby needed parents and everything was done ethically (not they followed the law) – ethically as in you’d be perfectly happy if your son lost his child to strangers instead of being the father to your grandchild.

What makes it even more horrific is that there seems to be prospective adoptive parents who are happy to turn a blind eye to the fact that every single baby created has both a mother and father.  It’s the latter that those parents willingly choose to pretend isn’t part of the child, doesn’t exist, and shouldn’t have any rights.  They are just so damn desperate to be parents that they are okay with painting him out of the picture any way they can to achieve their goal of parenthood.

Tell me again how much adoption has changed.  How beautiful adoption is.  How much has been learned and how it’s better now.

Update here



Posted by on November 21, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents, Ethics


Tags: , , , , ,

14 responses to “Happy Adoption Month, you just lost your child you wanted to parent – isn’t adoption beautiful?

  1. Lara/Trace

    November 21, 2015 at 7:16 pm

    PAPs can’t imagine much truth – it’s not in their best interest. HA!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rhonda

    November 21, 2015 at 11:43 pm

    I am so sad as I’ve been reading the various news reports about this case today. I just don’t understand how these people can take a child that they know is loved and wanted by their paternal family. I too had Mormon parents who pressured me into surrendering my son to more “worthy” (read Mormon) people. Mostly because the were ashamed and didn’t want to be judged by the other members of their congregation. If only my son’s father had insisted on parenting himself, my son wouldn’t still be lost to me 32 years later.

    These kids, stolen from loving fathers in Utah are not always going to be children! They’re going to have friends, family members and Google to tell them the truth about their unnecessary adoptions. God help those adoptive parents and the broken system that allowed them to perpetrate such a crime. There’s a special place in hell for all of them including the parents, the church, the legislature and the attorneys responsible. I picture it as one long, never ending Mormon Sacrament meeting with off key singing, hard pews and judgmental eyes all around.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. beth62

    November 23, 2015 at 2:47 am

    The laws created for the illigetimate have disappeared (…as far as I know any way? Well, besides sealed true birth certificates I guess?)

    Looks like “it’s” still stuck to our fathers.
    Still present, still sick and sad.


  4. gooddaytotry

    November 23, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    well you don’t have to print this if you don’t want to…. but to me it’s just not cool for a guy to impregnate a girl and say i want the baby not the girl. losing a child is hell for girls all her life. the fact that this boy is getting so much press but taking babies from girls happens far too often, saddens me. yes i think the baby should be with the father not the buyers. but this situation still stinks.


    • TAO

      November 23, 2015 at 1:50 pm

      No idea how you can equate signing away her parental rights to unrelated people as a boy taking away a baby from a girl.


  5. beth62

    November 23, 2015 at 3:54 pm

    Might as well say little illigetimate bastards do not deserve to have their Fathers in their life, or know who they are, or even their name.
    The judge and the law supports it, so why not just stand up and say it straight out and proudly?

    Chickenshits hide behind best interest theories, mothers rights ideas, religion and deserving different gendered married couples who would be crushed and heartbroken IF they had to return the stolen illigetimate person.


  6. yan

    November 24, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    My non-ID insists that my father signed the adoption papers, but yet no father is named on my original birth certificate — and I’m post BSE. This seems common in adoption, and does support the theory that fathers are just seen as an impediment to the adoption procurement process. In my case, none of my natural family was stepping up to parent me, but these laws seem quite outdated and horribly unfair.


    • anenomekym

      November 24, 2015 at 12:57 pm

      It used to be that mothers were the impediment to the adoption conveyor belt (I guess that was so 1960’s).

      Now we’re in the 21st century, so we realize their uteri are actually necessary for the adoption procurement process, so they should be wooed with consolation “gift boxes” and “Dear Birthmother letters”, before they’re shown the door or until we can extract them from their uteri. Frighteningly, we seem to be heading there. But the fathers are just dispensable masses of sperm until we can see them (and people) as human beings.

      Much “progress” has been made in technology, biotech, and innovation, but little has been made in unsealing birth records or much related to adoption, because “we must have patience”, “change doesn’t happen overnight”, “stop whining, being bitter, angry, or anti-adoption”, “we’re not doing advocating the ‘right’ way”…


    • TAO

      November 24, 2015 at 2:28 pm

      There was no non-id for me, yet when I got the adoption court records the judge had received a document that detailed and named both my mother and father (etc.) and then did the same thing for mom and dad below. So the judge had my father’s name, age, residence, education, etc., and yet the adoption petition listed him as anonymous multiple times. Unwed fathers had zero rights in my era (BSE) – not that he wanted any…but how do you sign off on something that is deliberately false?


  7. beth62

    November 24, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    They gave her back to her mom? Good! But now I am really confused?


    • TAO

      November 24, 2015 at 3:34 pm

      Who knows, I’m guessing because of how Utah law words and perhaps some spite when you read the statement from the people – something along the lines “at no point has Kaylee spent more than 24 hours without seeing one of her biological parents” (paraphrased).


      • beth62

        November 24, 2015 at 4:15 pm

        I saw that 24 hr statement…. guessing that means the mother was with baby at some point once a day since she was removed from father?
        Many parts of this story are missing I think I haven’t heard much about mom and her family…


        • TAO

          November 24, 2015 at 5:29 pm

          Apparently the former prospective adoptive parents are friends of the biological mother’s family.

          What always makes me cringe is the assumption that a biological parent would be happy to go along with the adoption – despite being against the adoption – all because it will be open so they will still be in the child’s life. That just makes no sense – if that should be okay with biological parents then the former prospective adoptive parents should be happy they will always be in the child’s life as friends of the family.


          • beth62

            November 24, 2015 at 7:44 pm

            People suck.



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