Adoption can be hard and ugly for fathers and their families who want nothing to do with domestic infant adoption. Those fathers and their families are struggling with the loss of a family member to adoption, an adoption that is not wanted, desired, or needed. The same fathers who face expensive up-hill legal battles to parent their own child in a system that can take years for any resolution.
This has to change….
Laws have to change from demanding a father do XYZ (that he knows nothing about), all within a specific narrow time frame and any deviation means you lose your child. The laws need to consider the best interests of the child – not the best interests of securing a child for adoptive parents. Lets also not forget that the father and child have an entire family, his parents lose their grandchild and the loss reverberates throughout the entire family, every member loses one of their family. That’s not adoption is beautiful, love, or meant to be, that is the ugly side of adoption no one wants to talk about.
The ugly side of adoption that should not exist, but does, and always has existed. It’s the side you never hear about in any of those ultra-sucky “birthmothers are selfless” meme’s, and no one seems to give a damn that fathers don’t exist in adoption. Fathers are faceless, nameless, trashed and seen as a threat to a “successful adoption” so let’s all pretend that adopted babies only have a “selfless birthmother”. And while we are at it, lets also pretend that every single adoption happens because that baby needed parents and everything was done ethically (not they followed the law) – ethically as in you’d be perfectly happy if your son lost his child to strangers instead of being the father to your grandchild.
What makes it even more horrific is that there seems to be prospective adoptive parents who are happy to turn a blind eye to the fact that every single baby created has both a mother and father. It’s the latter that those parents willingly choose to pretend isn’t part of the child, doesn’t exist, and shouldn’t have any rights. They are just so damn desperate to be parents that they are okay with painting him out of the picture any way they can to achieve their goal of parenthood.
Tell me again how much adoption has changed. How beautiful adoption is. How much has been learned and how it’s better now.