It’s no secret that when an adoptee writes about how wonderful their life is because of adoption, that article is the instant favorite among many adoptive parents groups. Comments are also predictable so I won’t bother giving examples. I will give you a couple of recent examples of the type of article I’m speaking of…
Her experience, her right to tell it from her point of view. Personally, not my cup of tea, because haven’t met one person I couldn’t find something nice to say about them. That’s as far as I’m going to go off track here.
Again, her experience, although personally I’ve changed just about all the opinions I held at 28, but good for her. (h/t to Snark for the link)
What I do want to talk about – is that it seems that many adoptive parents want their child to have this same feeling about their adoption, and being adopted. To think adoption gave them everything and they lost nothing. At the same time, they eschew being seen as an adoptive parent, in a how dare you way, I’m just a mom. If you feel that way, yet, cling to stories like the ones posted above as simply beautiful – can you not see the problem of wanting your child to love being adopted, but you aren’t even comfortable, let alone love being seen as an adoptive parent. To me, you are sending mixed messages, you need to be thrilled to have been adopted into my family, I detest the fact that I am an adoptive parent.
I do want to touch on one more thing that both the articles have in common.
This whole ‘real’ obsession that seems so prevalent in the adoption world, perhaps it’s because people, specifically adoptive parents, actually do not see themselves as real and they are putting this fear on their children that the world doesn’t see them as a real family. I think mom and dad handled it right – when people used the word real, they assumed (rightly so) that they meant biological. But then, mom and dad were, and still are perfectly fine with being called adoptive parents, heck, mom even uses the other dreaded term, adopters, without giving it a second thought, after all, that is how they formed our family. But according to some adoptive parents today, parents from my era weren’t educated, so I guess, they didn’t know that real was code for fake instead of the logical assumption of biological.
Just imagine how fake I’d feel as their daughter if I thought everyone didn’t recognise us as a real family, let alone tell anyone I’m adopted or that my parents are adoptive parents.