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Sunday morning read…

26 Apr

Everything you ever wanted to know about adoptees can be found in this one article.  Not really.  But it is the perfect article to show how:

  • why telling is a must (yes, some still don’t),
  • not knowing leaves a hole that gnaws at your soul,
  • that despite that hole – adoptees live lives just like you,
  • that the wanting to know, is often generational…
  • utterly ridiculous sealed records laws are, as if an 84-year-old doesn’t deserve the respect to know where he comes from, if he has family, and have answers to the mystery that has sat with him for well over half a century…

It’s a wonderful story to read over a cup of coffee…it really is: At long last, a family tree for Eugene adoptee

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15 Comments

Posted by on April 26, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents

 

Tags: , ,

15 responses to “Sunday morning read…

  1. firehouserox

    April 26, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    I had to pressure both Florida and Virginia for my records. When I finally received them, they were redacted. However, I had remembered my siblings and father/ mother’s name. So, I could read the pages and know who they were referring to. I found out that I was two years younger than my adoptive parents were told, as well. The bad part about it was that I was placed in third grade when I was brought to Virginia when I should have been put in first. I could never understand why I wasn’t as smart as my peers and that my female peers were developing faster than I. My adoptive parents used to tease me horribly for my bad grades and compare me to their more intelligent son. Now that I understand why…I realize I was and still am more intelligent than their son because he never graduated high school and I have my graduate degree! Winning!!!!!

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    • TAO

      April 26, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      sad and funny at the same time…I’m going to guess that they made you two years longer so you couldn’t be found…

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      • firehouserox

        May 3, 2015 at 2:18 pm

        Yes. My biological mother tried to take our brother from his adoptive mother one day. She drove from Florida to Virginia and waited to see him in the front yard. She then jumped out of the car and grabbed him. His adopted brother ran into the house and told his mother and she stopped her. So, when I came here, they decided to change the spelling of my name and birth date.

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  2. dpen

    April 26, 2015 at 3:54 pm

    I commented, responding to someone else commenting who was objecting to how his biofather was being portrayed. Geez…can’t we keep it to the adoptee ….ever?

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    • TAO

      April 26, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Dpen – you know after all these years banging our heads against the brick wall – we are not the important component of adoption too many…we ARE the solution they seek, not the ones that are supposed to be speaking…

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      • TAO

        April 26, 2015 at 9:48 pm

        Dpen – that outsider77 is a piece of work, I’m guessing an AP…”Adoptees in ages past often accepted those parents who sacrificed so much to raise them as their forebearers. The biological parent is not important as they have chosen to terminate their parental rights and allow others to raise the child in every way as their own. DNA is just a chemical.”

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        • dpen

          April 27, 2015 at 10:43 am

          Yes, he/ she is! I was figuring an AP also. I have already used up my 5 free looksees so I can acc ess it anymore. This person has NO respect for adoptees or their needs.. I really hope its not an AP because I feel bad for their children if so. The other possibilty is an adoptee deep in the fog.

          Liked by 1 person

           
          • teddy1975

            April 28, 2015 at 5:16 am

            Good nickname though, he must reside far outside reality: DNA may be a chemical, but it is responsible for nearly all traits which form the least emotional, least fuzzy, reason to gain and keep contact with biological relatives: A corrected up-to-date medical family history, which may improve efficiency of medical treatment to a huge degree.

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  3. TAO

    April 26, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    I’m also been reading about the rash of ‘conscience laws’ being brought forward in different states to discriminate against the LGBT adoptions. I’d be fine with the concept if it was to ensure that people who believe ‘training up a child’ is how to parent an adopted child – could be denied the right to adopt – but I know that would be seen as discriminating against their religion…

    Once again – it isn’t about the child…

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  4. Jess

    April 26, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    Some of the quotes really cut to the core of adoption–they were great. Well, the guy grew up to be a psychologist–that was interesting too. I did hate the fact they had the gall to say, “Undoubtedly, he already has received the gift of a lifetime” when he found three dead relatives and it wasn’t a gift to begin with, just what he should have had all along. Also, I wish the writer had mentioned the passport issue as a rights issue that affects many adoptees. I felt it kind of dropped the main guy halfway thru and focused more on the relatives. But they were an interesting bunch.

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    • TAO

      April 26, 2015 at 9:50 pm

      I tell you Jess – if adoption is part of the equation there is no loss recognised – a strange phenomena…

      He was lucky that he needed his in 1984 – it is only post 9/11 that everything changed for adoptees…

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  5. AstridBeeMom

    April 26, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    What a wonderful end to a lifetime of longing. Thank you so much for sharing! Yes, the “wanting to know” is often generational. My mother was adopted by her stepfather and the yearning to know who my biological grandfather was is something I couldn’t explain. It pulled me. It felt like a piece of me was missing. I can only imagine what that would feel like as an adoptee knowing nothing about your heritage or where you came from.

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  6. Paige Adams Strickland

    April 27, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    Fascinating story! So happy this gentleman found many of his answers!

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  7. Lisa

    April 28, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    Really interesting article. I’m glad he and his family were able to get what was rightfully theirs – and should have been all along.

    Outsider77 – what an outstanding asshat! Nasty bit of slutshaming from him too. Way to get off track.

    Like

     

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