Just read a blog post about how someone who isn’t adopted, but has always assumed, that if you are adopted – that the love you have for your adoptive parents is greater than the love that a non-adopted child would have for their mom and dad. Reasons cited is that the child was chosen, money was paid, and sacrifices made. I’m not linking to the post – but it was also a religious post musing about being adopted by God and comparing the two – which doesn’t work for me.
I don’t know about you, but how I love, doesn’t have anything to do with degrees. When I love someone, I love them, not 50% less than I love someone else, or 50% more than I love that other person. What do I really know though – perhaps to other people, love is a matter of degrees, personally, I don’t think that love works that way – or that math is involved.
I think the blogger is confusing love with loyalty – that if you were adopted, then you must have greater loyalty to those who took you in, because no one forced them to make that choice, and you benefited. That you owe them more, so you must be more grateful to them for life, than a normal child would be expected to be. That indebted for life feeling. Which all circles back to the never-ending Lucky and Grateful rhetoric that also never ends, mostly from others, but of course, there will be some adoptive parents who fervently want that too…
That added burden should never be put on adopted children just because they are adopted – especially as they lost their family to be adopted, and then to be expected to pay off this extra debt to the people who took them in? Isn’t the loss of their entire family through no fault of their own, enough of a burden to live with? I think it is, and I haven’t even touched on those who also lost their country, language, culture, and/or in the case of transracial adoption, growing up in a family (and likely community as well), who are a different race.
Just like non-adopted children, adopted children should just be loved for who they are, not the amount of extra loyalty they will have, and what it can do for you.
I don’t know why I’m writing about this, or even if it makes sense, as I’m terribly exhausted today – I guess it just touched a nerve that here we are in 2015 – and people still think, adopted people owe a greater debt to our parents than if we’d were raised in our family of birth. As if we choose to be adopted. Do they not use their common sense that people who adopt, want to be parents? That no one forced them to adopt. That, even if they felt forced by their religion, or some other reason – that still is on them, and that burden, should not be put on the children.