Yet again – the belief that adoption was a secret way back when…

28 Mar

Seeing a post on titled “The New Wave of Adoptees” with a tag line of “Growing up in the age of openness.”  I clicked the link.

Written by the Adoptive Mother…pertinent snippets below…

“Now in their twenties, they are in the vanguard of the new generation of adoptees who have grown up with openness—in which adoption is definitely NOT a family secret.”

“Both girls came into my life as infants, both in closed adoptions. I was told in both cases that the birth parents chose not to be identified, chose not to have contact.”

“Upon entering their 20s, both girls felt ready to make their first contact and decided that personal letters would be the best sort of overture for them.”

You know what would make this new?  Having the ones adopted actually grow up in an open adoption AND having written this article themselves.

Methinks nothing much has changed since my day…when adoption was not a secret, and was talked about – there just wasn’t the internet to prove it…but you could go to Adoption Network Cleveland facebook page and scroll down and see the pictures of adoptees (old adoptees like me), lined up for blocks on opening day to get their original birth certificate, somehow they seemed to know about being adopted.

Have a safe weekend…


Posted by on March 28, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , ,

14 responses to “Yet again – the belief that adoption was a secret way back when…

  1. FrankLligtvoet

    March 28, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    Openness is something else than the author of this piece thinks. It is not about talking, but about knowing your family from day one

    Liked by 1 person

  2. belleinblue

    March 28, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    I’m so tired of adopters tooting their own horns that they sent hide their kids adoptions so they are so much more fabulous than our parents were. Good job, you followed the example of those who went before you and didn’t keep adoption a secret.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. L4R

    March 28, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    Oh,, you really should listen to adoptees.

    We keep telling you that most of us knew we were adopted and talked about it in our families. Yet, you apparently do not believe us because you allow bloggers who are unfamiliar with adoption history to write about adoption today versus in the past.

    Your bloggers are getting it wrong.

    Maybe do some researcher. Maybe talk to adoptees who have lived the experience. Better yet, have adoptees write some of these blogs. Why exactly are the adoptive parents (of adult of adoptees) writing about the “new wave of adoptees”?

    If it is so incredibly different now, the new wave of adult adoptees should be allowed to speak for themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. TAO

    March 28, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    If you can’t tell – this is my pet peeve of the month…show me how with documentation that what we (who lived it) are wrong…

    Liked by 1 person

    • alane64

      April 24, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      ( We are still living with it. ) even with documented evidence, it cannot be wrong. Still, technology an documents in hand, doesn’t give you answers. Closed adoptions I know can be opened, so a Judge an friend
      had told me, Louisiana requirements. Honestly, if your biological parents gave you up in the mid 60’s would you want a knock on
      Their door, or a facebook announcement to possible siblings? What is, or is not the correct protocol?


      • TAO

        April 24, 2015 at 6:54 pm

        Alane – there are so many ways, phone, FB, letter either vague enough that to anyone else reading it – you are just trying to find other family members, but specific enough that she would figure it out. Whatever way – always ask that whatever the outcome is, that she let you know she received it. That is the worst part – not knowing. I wouldn’t go through the siblings first.

        Have you ever read: The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler? This is her site – you can order the book there or at your local bookstore or library – it will help. (Ann is an adoptee)


  5. cb

    March 28, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    The more time I spend online, the more I realise that my APs did a good job – some today’s APs seem far more clueless than my own APs despite the so-called “better” education these days.

    In fact, one of the reasons that I may come across as irritated and frustrated** when I post (although I try not to) is that I am disappointed that some of today’s APs are far more clueless than my own.

    **one suspects also that when some readers see “angry bitter adoptees”, they are actually seeing “irritated frustrated adoptees” – adoptees who are jaded after years of trying to explain things and not feeling anyone is listening.

    Disclaimer: Note that I am not talking about every AP, they are many wonderful ones out there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • adoptee...

      March 29, 2015 at 1:06 am

      ME too! see, I think that my parents being of the “greatest generation” worked from common sense and not the BS that goes on now. My aparents for the most part were very open about adoption, allowed us to ask questions and when I was searching my mom supported me. My Dad paid for me to go to my biomoms services,stating” she is your mother after all” REALLY…how is the new wave an7y better then that? Also as others have pointed out this is coming from and adoptive parent…who continually believe they are the experts on adoptees…as do many natural mothers.


  6. Jess

    March 29, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    She’s received mostly negative comments. Maybe she’ll read them and learn something. It’s unfortunate how she thinks of herself as a real pioneer because she let her kids write one letter. Plus she was fairly certain what the result would be. This was the opposite of openness.


  7. eagoodlife

    March 29, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    I needed a whole post to respond! –
    Thanks for the link.


    • TAO

      March 29, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      Thanks Von – I had obviously tuned out by the end…I just get so mad that “that” would be promoted as any different than the millions of adoptees that already exist…


  8. Lisa

    March 29, 2015 at 11:01 pm

    I have a hard time believing this person, supposedly qualified in the law, really believes what she’s spouting. Surely, as a lawyer (even – or maybe especially – as an adoption lawyer) she can’t be *that* ignorant. It feels disingenuous to me. After all, it is

    There’s no name attached. Apparently she’s just a “guest blogger”.


  9. yan

    March 30, 2015 at 11:34 am

    I don’t have the “sanity points” to read that today, but I did once tell my A-mom that I was frustrated that while I knew my parents did the best they could based on what they were told, that it seems like nothing has changed for the good. TELLING your children they are adopted and creating space for them to talk about it or have feelings that aren’t all rainbows and kittens are worlds apart. Even she got it.


  10. stephjms

    March 30, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    I’ve had an open adoption for 25 years. It was decided by her parents. I thought I’d have letters and photos for two years, but they wanted her to have more… so I did it. My daughter and I are very close. I’m also an adoptee that knows nothing about my biological family, so the decision for openness made sense at the time.If my daughter wrote about this, I think her perspective would be different. It’s been hard for her to see my kids, my family- there’s jealousy, natural jealousy- even though she is as well adjusted as I’ve ever seen an adoptee be.



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