A Blog Post at Adoptive Families Circle…

24 Mar

This adoptive parent has a far different take than my last post about a link did.

Why I Support Adoptee Rights

Thank you…



Posted by on March 24, 2015 in Adoption, adoptive parents


Tags: , , ,

21 responses to “A Blog Post at Adoptive Families Circle…

  1. L4R

    March 24, 2015 at 6:46 pm



  2. iwishiwasadopted

    March 24, 2015 at 6:53 pm

    Lovely, but this feels like an unnecessary adoption. Why did little Beth have to be raised apart from her family, and have her birth certificate amended?

    This adoptive mom fights for adoptee rights, but not the right for newborns to remain in their families of origin.


    • TAO

      March 24, 2015 at 7:17 pm

      Iwish – sometimes adoptions need to happen.


  3. iwishiwasadopted

    March 24, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I guess so, but only in very rare cases. This little baby was loved, “One page observes the following: “Infant to mother’s room per open crib. Infant to mother’s arms. Positive bonding present. Father of baby present also with positive bonding.”

    Also, it’s an open adoption with Beth’s birth parents, siblings, and extended family.

    If they are safe enough to be in her life, why can’t they raise her? I just don’t understand open adoption. it seems like torture to me, as an adopted person.

    It seems Beth’s parents are raising siblings, so why not Beth?

    I think the vast majority of infant adoptions are unnecessary. What makes this one needed?


    • TAO

      March 24, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      Iwish – no one knows the back story (or should). I do know the author’s views and positions she takes and can judge based on who she is as a person – that she adopted as ethically as she knew how to at the time. Does that make sense? Mothers and fathers can very much want to parent, love their baby, and still not be able to based on whatever is challenging them in their lives that they don’t foresee changing anytime soon. If a mother and father want to parent – then they should be offered every possible option to make them successful. It’s just not black and white…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. iwishiwasadopted

    March 24, 2015 at 11:24 pm

    I guess we’ll just have to disagree. I don’t think motherhood is transferable. i think infant adoption should be reserved for the rarest of occasions. I don’t see many reasons why an infant has to lose legal ties to her family. I admire the Australian model.

    Despite the large growth in the number of Australian children in out-of-home care over the last two decades, adoption of these children is rare. This is because there is a strong push for them to be restored to or maintain active contact with their parents. In addition, most jurisdictions have the capacity to: (a) make permanent care orders (which provide security of placement with a foster/kinship carer); and/or (b) have policies relating to the creation of permanency plans 1 when there is no foreseeable likelihood of children being able to safely return to the care of their parents.

    Being separated from their mothers hurts children. I don’t think American society realizes how much.


    • TAO

      March 25, 2015 at 12:36 pm

      Iwish – if you want the same model Australia has – then you need to change the American mindset about what actually supports single mothers – until that mindset is changed and the safety net is available – waxing on about how the US should act like Australia is just that – waxing on because the reality is far different in terms of single mothers making it, and making out of poverty.

      Here you are talking about foster care which is a different subject entirely.


      • Jess

        March 25, 2015 at 5:47 pm

        And some people in your country can’t wait to repeal the Affordable Care Act! I just don’t get it . . . really don’t. Universal coverage was what got me thru being a single mother of a child with severe asthma, including multiple hospital visits.


    • anenomekym

      March 26, 2015 at 4:21 am

      I feel you, Iwish. I think most countries are more aware of the harm family separation has on children than the US. Hence, why the US is the only country that refuses to ratify the UN CRC.

      I don’t know much about the Aussie model, but was impressed by their apology. I just wished they hadn’t essentially ousted their PM who delivered that apology and installed Abbot, who seems to do everything wrong (but for the “right”). Especially with their initiatives to reinstate a globalized Stolen Generation.

      And I tend to agree with you regarding infant adoption. I feel this author is honest about her development and change of heart, and is sincerely pushing to do somethings right, but infant adoptions and international adoptions really shouldn’t be on people’s radars because of the extent of extraneous disruption and discontinuity for both, they (or at least infant) are just too tempting for so many HAPs (IMO).


  5. yan

    March 25, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    It is good to see support for this basic right among adoptive parents. And for the author to acknowledge her own changed views — from seeing the altered birth certificate as legitimizing herself to seeing it as the fiction it is — is also heartening.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Tia B

    March 26, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    I really like seeing adoptive parents who have arrived at these attitudes and are willing to share them openly. It gives me hope that adult adoptees are finally being heard because, the truth is, parents generally do not get attitudes like this without working at it. These kinds of beliefs are not readily available in U.S. culture unless an adoptive parent is seeking them out deliberately, IMO.


  7. Tiffany

    March 26, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    Done. Fifty awkward selfie shots later. Thank you for sharing this so that we can continue to try to raise awareness. As an adoptive mom, this is so incredibly important to me. I have a copy of my daughter’s OBC, but she has a right to access it without me.

    I never wanted her records altered… it’s infuriating to be forced into a lie by the state. I will never get over that and the wrongness of it all. I did not give birth to her, and my name has no right being listed on a record of her birth.


    • iwishiwasadopted

      March 27, 2015 at 11:53 am

      To me, the adoptive parents who blog about their open adoptions are missing the point. Being separated from your mother is the worst thing that can happen to a human being. Even if your mother is abusive, and especially if she is not.

      Your adopted child has suffered a terrible blow, and you were a party to it. Even if it’s an open adoption. Even if you campaign for adoptee rights.

      You were still willing to do that to a child. Then you blog about it. I just can’t understand. At least give the poor kid some privacy, and dignity.


      • TAO

        March 27, 2015 at 10:22 pm

        iwish – thanks for taking the comments completely off the topic of adoptee rights.


      • Tiffany

        March 27, 2015 at 11:20 pm

        I’m sorry, but you have me confused. I don’t blog. I used to, mostly about my older daughter, but I stopped years ago. I posted a selfie (of myself) saying I’m for adoptee rights. Is that what you think is so wrong???

        As to the specifics of my adoption and why my daughter was adopted, those are private to her and her parents and I won’t share those and never publicly have.

        But I get your anger. I really do. Adoption is so often not the answer for a mother and a child. I agree with you.


    • Jess

      March 27, 2015 at 2:28 pm

      My daughter has no fake birth certificate whatsoever–that’s one good thing. But she has no real official record of her birth. I’m not sure her birth was ever registered in the PRC. I think probably not. What we have is a statement of the facts as they were “codefied post hoc” by the government of China. What did they base the information on? Hard to say. Maybe a finding note. Maybe they made it up–but I’ve had at least one expert look at all the documents and say this is not likely for a few reasons. Whatever it is, it’s not great for my daughter at all. But at least it’s not fiction.


      • Jess

        March 27, 2015 at 7:24 pm

        I should say “fiction in terms of parentage”.


  8. iwishiwasadopted

    March 27, 2015 at 10:49 pm

    Again, I disagree. Adoptee rights are human rights, among them, according to the UN

    1. The child shall be registered immediately after birth and shall have the right from birth to a name, the right to acquire a nationality and. as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents.

    1. States Parties undertake to respect the right of the child to preserve his or her identity, including nationality, name and family relations as recognized by law without unlawful interference.

    2. Where a child is illegally deprived of some or all of the elements of his or her identity, States Parties shall provide appropriate assistance and protection, with a view to re-establishing speedily his or her identity.

    Article 9

    1. States Parties shall ensure that a child shall not be separated from his or her parents against their will, except when competent authorities subject to judicial review determine, in accordance with applicable law and procedures, that such separation is necessary for the best interests of the child. Such determination may be necessary in a particular case such as one involving abuse or neglect of the child by the parents, or one where the parents are living separately and a decision must be made as to the child’s place of residence.

    Adoptee rights are taken away by the very act of adoption.

    A child’s right to privacy is taken when an adult blogs about her life.

    My thoughts and feeling about adoption come from living as an adopted person for 52 years.


    • TAO

      March 27, 2015 at 11:04 pm

      This post is NOT about what an adoptive or biological parent blogs about their child (both do it btw).

      I’m tired, I’m cranky, I don’t care if you disagree – this is my blog and I appreciate parents who stand up for adoptee rights.


  9. iwishiwasadopted

    March 27, 2015 at 11:51 pm

    The post is called, “A Blog Post at Adoptive Families Circle”. Sorry if comments about blog posts are not welcome. I’m confused too….


    • TAO

      March 28, 2015 at 2:34 pm

      Iwish – you are being absolutely obtuse and you know it. I’m closing comments now.


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