Best comeback ever…

26 Jan

To try to explain the factual errors in this article would be a futile waste of time.  It is though, a fine example of why the public is so uninformed about adoption.  So, ignoring the article completely, I read some of the comments, comments by people trying to explain everything that was wrong in the article, and, the over-used, redundant verbiage by one responding to an adoptee whose comment was fine, describing the challenges without denying the good as well.  Yet, apparently the commenter was immediately on the defensive, and felt the need to use the standard dismissive question: would you rather have grown up in an orphanage…

Sofie Claudia Hamberg commented: It´s very hard to be adopted in some ways. Born in Barranquilla Colombia and adopted by my parents when i was 2. My parents and my family has always been amazing, they always told me the truth about my background and so on. BUT i have been missing my birth-mom all my life. I never knew her but she is a part of my heart and soul. Another complicated thing was that I grew up in a very “white” neighborhood, and lets just say that people been giving me a hard time,cuz I´m black. The pain that the racist comments caused me is nothing my parents ever understood, for that reason i been feeling very lonely sometimes. I´m aware that my life here is “better” now, always food on the table, grew up with dogs and horses, spent the weekends at our a ski-cabin, traveled and got a uni-degree. But never forget that there are people so poor that they can´t raise their kids and there are people rich enough to adopt, WELL the world is fucked up. (English is not my first language) Love ♥

Gayla Gavin responded with: Sofie Claudia Hamberg Do you think growing up in an orphanage would have been better???

Sofie Claudia Hamberg responded with: Gayla Gavin I never lived in an orphanage, and I don’t know how it is to live in one. I lived with a foster-family in Barranquilla. They wanted to keep me but the social service decided that I would be better off in Sweden. I just wish my birth-mom had a chance to keep me, that was what she wanted. But she HAD to give me away because she was born into poverty and never had a chance to educate herself and so on.

The lived experience of being adopted is not supposed to be talked about by adoptees.  That is the crux of the message I hear every single time an adoptee speaks of the complexities of being adopted, and is then asked, a stupid question that has nothing to do what the adoptee was talking about.  It does speak to the ignorance of the person making the comment that assumes all international adoptees lived in, or would have spent their life in an orphanage.

Nothing in Sofie’s comments told anything other than she has lived through the challenges, thought deeply about her story and the complexities involved on all sides for many different reasons.  That message comes through – even speaking in her second language (actually third language seeing as she was two).

Reading comprehension by some though, is apparently at an all time low…


Posted by on January 26, 2015 in Adoption


Tags: ,

11 responses to “Best comeback ever…

  1. L4R

    January 27, 2015 at 3:19 am

    Unfortunately, I think the subtlety of her reply enables readers to continue with their worldviews completely in tact.

    After all, she was never in an orphanage. She was given the gift of adoption and was spared even a day in an orphanage…. After all, social services decided she was better off in Sweden than her native country, which serves to confirm PAPs’ similar beliefs on the superiority of the Western world. After all, her mother was poor and uneducated. Through adoption, she moved up in the world.

    Because her reply was so soft, I think many will miss what she actually said.


    • TAO

      January 27, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      You’re right her subtly probably didn’t make her point clear to the commenter. Not sure though, that the commenter would have been listening anyway, they seldom do…


  2. janstewartphotography

    January 27, 2015 at 8:17 am

    given the gift of adoption? it could have been a disaster of a gift…..think of Hana Williams. Adoption is pot luck…..


    • TAO

      January 27, 2015 at 2:34 pm

      You know Jan – it’s so special when someone who obviously doesn’t know this blog very well, and specifically, doesn’t know the other regular commenters – comes here and ASSUMES…


      • janstewartphotography

        January 28, 2015 at 6:06 am

        so obviously I missed some sort of joke here? Too bad….I still hate adoption in any shape or form.


  3. L4R

    January 27, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    I think my point on subtlety has been made by Jan.


  4. Lisa

    January 27, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    I didn’t think Sophia’s response was overly mild. It was non-strident but firm. Inevitably there will be a number of people who are not going to be able to wrap their heads around it, but, at least from my perspective, it opened up the conversation in a constructive way.
    I am glad that TAO has broadened the audience by bringing it over here.


    • TAO

      January 27, 2015 at 10:03 pm

      Thanks Lisa…


    • Lisa

      January 27, 2015 at 10:03 pm

      Oh, I called her Sophia. Oops, sorry. I meant Sofie of course.


  5. L4R

    January 28, 2015 at 2:52 am

    While the meanings are similar, they aren’t synonymous. I’m not saying she was “overly mild.” I’m saying her reply was subtle.

    For example, my response above wasn’t overly mild, but it was subtle enough for at least one reader to miss the sarcasm.


  6. Lisa

    January 28, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    I wasn’t conflating mild with subtle. I was equating mild with soft.



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