Analogy and #FlipTheScript on #NationalAdoptionMonth

09 Nov


I’ve talked about how my post stroke brain needed re-wiring many times over the years, and the struggles and loss it brought both to me and my family.  I’ve also experienced many people telling me how wonderful it was that I have recovered so much of what I had lost.  I’m at the point that you may not even realize I’ve had a stroke because you only see what’s on the surface, especially if you only see what is written and have no idea how many edits it took to get to that point.  Everyone had different terms to describe the progress; amazing, wonderful, miraculous, but few dug deeper to consider what never will come back.  For me, my progress is amazing from where it was.  I am thankful, ever so thankful.  But, I’m not thankful, or find it amazing – that I had a stroke begin with, nor that while I have recovered to a certain extent, that I will never be who I was before.

I think the above is a decent analogy on how I also feel about adoption, being adopted, living with all the flaws and loss that adoption brings.  I think it also does a good job of describing the disconnect between those looking in, and those living within.

It’s a completely different script.

Adoptees this month are working towards something similar to re-wiring but to the adoption community as a whole.  Talking about ‘all of adoption’, not just the view of adoption from the adoptive parent side.






Posted by on November 9, 2014 in Adoption


Tags: , , , , ,

5 responses to “Analogy and #FlipTheScript on #NationalAdoptionMonth

  1. Maria

    November 10, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    There is a video going around that has adoptees sharing their feelings and thoughts. I thought it was really neat that someone thought about doing this. Adoption is not just black and white like people assume. There is so much that the world still needs to know about.


    • TAO

      November 10, 2014 at 2:19 pm

      Thanks Maria – completely agree that being adopted can’t be boiled down to either/or – it’s always going to be both. Thanks for commenting.


  2. anenomekym

    November 11, 2014 at 6:20 am

    First, I’m glad that you’re doing much better. From your writing, I’d never have thought you had suffered a stroke, for what that’s worth. You write very well and I’ve liked your style.

    Second, good analogy. Similarly, if one gets diagnosed with cancer (or any trauma, like rape) and survives, they may have a much different outlook and appreciation for life, relationships, and/or certain things in this world eventually. They may feel grateful for their second chance and for parts of their life, but we wouldn’t expect them to be glad to have been raped or gotten the cancer diagnosis.


    • TAO

      November 11, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      Thank you – I think a lot of the disconnect between adoptive parents and adoptees would disappear if they could only see *this*. It’s not the life, the parents – it’s the over-the-top focus on the event.

      Children will always need to be adopted if they can’t go back to their family…

      I googled to find out how families celebrate being a family. What came up was how families celebrate the different holidays based on their own ethnicities and traditions. Why not just be a family instead of needing to celebrate ‘adoption’. I think they are missing out on just being a family. Perhaps I’m wrong and my folks were wrong – we were just your average everyday family that celebrated traditional holidays and in between those we did things together – whether work or play…


  3. familyadvocate

    November 13, 2014 at 6:13 pm

    As a mother who lost my firstborn to adoption (and later to suicide) i have compared my adoption loss to a chronic disease because I live with RA. My disease has flare-ups and periods – sometimes years – when it is in remission, just as my thought as of adoption have periods of being on the back burner,. But in both cases i am constantly AWARE of the permanent changes these things have created in my life.

    Regarding #flipthehscript, i wish to share:



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