In the past I’ve talked a lot about how I was challenged by the lack of physical genetic mirroring, both growing up, and in my adult life. I’m sure pictures help in that respect for some adoptees today, and I’m thankful they have what so many of us never had. This post is not about genetic mirroring in that respect, because it’s only scratching the surface of the topic.
I’m middle-aged, and up until this point in my life, I’ve struggled with what I see as weaknesses on my part. I worry a lot (that’s an understatement by the way) and can’t seem to resolve that and become the person I want to be. I’ve hated that weakness and tried to overcome it, I’m still trying to overcome it, sometimes I win, other times, not so much. Finding out my mother was a worrier made such a difference to me. Finding out recently that my grandmother was a worrier to the same degree I am – has meant the world to me. It’s not just me. I’m not a worrier just because I’m weak, I come to it naturally despite not being raised in my family of birth, I’m just like they were. That knowledge allows me to be more gentle on myself, it doesn’t give me a free pass to use it as an excuse to not continually work on myself – but it provides me comfort in knowing it’s not just me.
Knowledge of your family of birth is power, something adoptees were, and are, commonly stripped of. Adoptees today face that same reality unless they have a personal relationship with their family of birth, not just a picture and knowing few bits and pieces, that can only offer a mere glimpse of who that person is, nor does it offer information on what is passed down generation after generation. Some adoptees won’t need that genetic mirroring of looks, personalities, weaknesses and strengths – others will need some, adoptees like me seem to need it a lot.
The knowledge I’ve gained has offered me a type of peace that words alone can’t begin to describe…