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Asking for negative stories?

16 Sep

By TAO

Reading an adoption reunion story in Canada on the CBC News site.  I started reading the comments and it struck me how pleasant they all are, even the responses to comments they don’t agree with.  People commenting being civil.  Then I came to this comment and I started laughing…

“Please share some of the nightmare stories about reunions with long lost parents and children. We always hear about the happy ones and readers will sometimes write in to say that theirs was not so happy. I am sure there are a significant number of reunions which can turn nasty. However I doubt many of those would be willing to share details.”

It just struck me funny, a rallying cry for negative stories about adoption reunions.  Perhaps an insecure adoptive parent in a closed adoption?  A prospective adoptive parent?  One who uses search queries such as “positive adoption story” that leads them to this blog?  To me, the wording used in the comment does not sound like it is an adoptee speaking, if it was, the wording would be inclusive, instead of using words that speak of others in a group they aren’t part of.  Despite that rallying cry for negative adoption reunion stories, other commenters responded gently, and dare I say, politely?  Overall, it seemed most commenters felt that adult adoptees should have the right to know where they came from and that right trumped a parent by birth right to privacy.

Well done, more and more people are standing up for the rights of the adoptee to know where they came from.

N.L mom reunited with Alberta son she thought was dead

 

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7 Comments

Posted by on September 16, 2014 in Adoption

 

Tags: , , , , ,

7 responses to “Asking for negative stories?

  1. Dannie

    September 16, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    Lol. Bad wording on that comment. I’m more of a ‘I want to hear the good the bad and the ugly’ of all sides because I can be prepared or at least have multiple plans of how to do life with all scenarios (as best as possible nothing is perfect).
    That’s just me the ap. when my daughter is older and wants to search I would like her to have a plan or think about where does she go from here for any good, bad, ugly or none of the above or all of the above type of reunions. Of course I would love for it to go well. I can’t think kindly of APs that secretly want their child’s reunion to go bad. That’s just sad and wrong on so many levels…..like any parent I’d like to give my child tools to deal with either excitement and/or disappointment or anything inbetween.
    That being said, why on earth would one comment to ask for negative stories? Comment on the reunion at hand and be happy for that situation. Is that so hard?

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    • TAO

      September 16, 2014 at 6:52 pm

      Dannie, I honestly burst out laughing. Does anything else sound more like a petulant child than that comment.

      I’ve come back to read further into the comments, most are very polite, but a few aren’t. Still far better than what is seen today in most comment sections.

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      • TAO

        September 16, 2014 at 6:56 pm

        Exactly on the good, bad and ugly and having a plan and being emotionally prepared for any outcome is needed. Not that being prepared ever really lives up to the reality but you aren’t going in expecting only wonderful stuff…

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  2. Unsigned Masterpiece

    September 16, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    “Please share some of the nightmare stories about reunions with long lost parents and children. We always hear about the happy ones and readers will sometimes write in to say that theirs was not so happy. I am sure there are a significant number of reunions which can turn nasty. However I doubt many of those would be willing to share details.”

    This is what I always want to write in response to such a comment/complaint.

    Please share some of the nightmare stories of adoptions that were anything but perfect. We always hear about the happy ones but adoptees write in sometimes to say theirs was not so happy. I am sure that there are a signifigant number of adoptions that were nasty, etc., etc..

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  3. Snarkurchin

    September 17, 2014 at 10:04 am

    The whole thread is a weird mix of gold and “OMG I can’t believe someone still believes that.” The mother must be lying about having been lied to; the Church wouldn’t do that (!!!); it must have been a mistake; it was good that they lied to her because she was better off; et cetera.

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  4. Beth

    September 18, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    just love it when the church says that lying is a good thing.

    Laughing with you TAO!

    Please share some of your negative stories about whatever, because I don’t like the positive ones…
    Please share some of your positive stories about whatever, because I don’t like the negative ones…
    It’s like ping pong LOL

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  5. onewomanschoice

    September 25, 2014 at 2:06 am

    It is ironic, isn’t it Tao. Most Adoption agencies, many adoptive parents, and even some adoptees/birthparents will eagerly share the positive side of adoption to make it more appealing. Some agencies even have dedication walls with pics and testimony’s. I remember reading the dedication wall for the birth parents (mostly mothers) one day. I was hoping for some raw truth but all of them provided a happy summary of their experience. Now we know that their story is much more than that. I know for a fact because I have sat in a room with at least one of those women featured and seen her sadness and heartache exposed in one of our birthmother’s support group meetings. Even if a birthparent was willing to share the raw truth (maybe she changed her mind) without malice towards the agency, we know that her story would not make the dedication wall. And I have to ask myself why?

    I hear adoptive parents get agitated when some of us voice our negative adoption experiences. Now they want to publicize negative reunion story’s. That’s the classic double standard. And again I ask myself why?

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